Three Wishes
by kfb28
Summary: Do not own songs or movie. rated T for suggestive themes. r'n'r : a tale of turns, an twists, with tears, lies , love, sex, and a drunk Ptolemy... CHAPTER 32 and 33 UP! Anonymous reviews now enabled :D Now complete :
1. Dead in The Water

Alexander wished he had never met her. Roxana, had, only hours into their marriage, questioned him about Hephaestion. She had grabbed a knife, and was trying to kill him.

**The medicine is blending in mixing the blood with oxygen**

I need this right now to figure myself out

He was pinned beneath her body, and felt all of her tense muscles, posed to fight. To fight him. He tried to relax. He decided to try and reason with her.

**Cutting through the ribbons of self doubt**

I never thought you'd see me this way

"And why would you do that?" He asked. Roxana furrowed her brows, her lovely eyes puzzled.

You are the worst and I am to blame

"Why would you want to kill me? You haven't given me a chance to love you." He stated, hoping she would listen t him. Hoping she would be the woman who had first entranced him.

Close the door, lock it tight

Roxana sat up quickly, still holding the knife. Alexander rose more slowly, hoping she wouldn't hurt him. Roxana was staring at the knife, horror written on her exotic face. Alexander took the knife from her, while looking into her eyes. He cast the knife; with the ring Hephaestion had given him, into the corner. He then quickly kissed her lips.

Then I'll know you're safe tonight

He leaned back into the bed, waited, knowing she was curious of him. Of the planes of his body, the way his body felt. And sure enough, she gave in.

Turn on a song that means the most

She leaned on top of him, and kissed him gently. She knew he was equally curious of her body, aching to know the feel of feminine skin.

Believe I'm there and hold me close

And they took full advantage of the moment. As their kisses grew more and more passionate with each breath, they explored. The curves, and the feel their bodies provided. The opportunities they could share.

The last words said, as the lay beside each other, were Roxana's.

"I love you, Alexander." She said lovingly.

All he could do was smile. Who was he to tell her she shared his heart with two men? One a servant the other one a general. How could he tell a fair, delicate woman who felt so lovely, so amazing of his other affections?

**She is in my bloodstream, tonight she's draining me**

**The room is filled with reds and blues**

**I follow as she leads into the darkness**

**Drying up my veins, she's a ghost, a silhouette**

Calling out my name

He had made love to her, after promising her his world. He didn't want to be the one to take it away.

As Roxana slept, he stayed up, wondering who the hell he was now. He loved Hephaestion. He was his best friend, his lover, and his better half. He lay on his back looking up at the ceiling. How he would give anything for Hephaestion to be with him. Actually, no. How he would give anything to be a boy again. A boy without these confusing loves.

**These lies will fall into the pieces I left you**

**Of your favorite picture torn in two**

**I never thought we'd end up this way**

** You are the worst, I am to blame**

He remembered this night. The sound of Roxana, saying his name between kisses. He felt worse when he almost called he "Hephaestion".

She had held him so close to her warm body. He couldn't imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be so close to her.

But, on the other hand, how many times had he thought that about Hephaestion, as he lay asleep beside him, many times before?

He hadn't realized how different Roxana and Hephaestion would be. While he was used to the roughness and muscles of Hephaestion, Roxana surprised him with her soft body and gentle touch.

Now, he was faced with the prospect with falling in love with. … a woman. He never thought he could. She was in his heart now. If Hephaestion was the air he breathed, then Roxana was the blood that coursed through his veins and arteries.

He needed both to survive, both to be himself. Both to be Alexander. More specifically, both to survive being Alexander.

**Close the door, lock it tight**

**Then I'll know you're safe tonight**

**Turn on a song that means the most**

**Believe I'm there and hold me close**

"You love me, right? That's why I am your wife?" Roxana whispered as she ran her hands up his sides.

"Of course I love you. How could I not marry for love?" He said, as he kissed her neck. As soon as he got her to forget about the incident about Hephaestion, the sooner he could forgive himself for hurting Hephaestion.

"So you and Hephaestion are not lovers?" She asked, point blank as she ran her fingers through his golden locks.

**She is in my bloodstream, tonight she's draining me**

**The room is filled with reds and blues**

**I follow as she leads into the darkness**

**Drying up my veins, she's a ghost, a silhouette**

**Calling out my name**

"No, why would you ask that?" He said, pressing his forehead against hers, looking into her dark eyes.

"The ring.. and the way he looked at you. And I can tell you, never before had I wished I could kill a man more then in that moment of time. " She said, flinching slightly at Alexander's touch, and his hand on her bare waist.

**So close the door and lock it tight**

**Then I will know you're safe tonight**

**Turn on the song that means the most**

**Believe I'm there and hold me close**

"You would..kill for me? But…why?" He asked, confused. The only woman he was close to was his mother, a cold, calculating woman who had left him with the subconscious impression that women could not really, truly, love men.

Roxana let out a bitter laugh.

"Because I love you Alexander, and I have o wish to share your heart, because I love you with all of mine, and I expect no less from you." She said, as she stroked his leg.

"Its just lust." He said, trying to make her feelings make sense to him.

**Close the door, lock it tight**

**Then I'll know you're safe tonight**

**Turn on a song that means the most**

**Believe I'm there and hold me close**

She looked at him first with anger, then, her eyes softened.

"Oh, Alexander, I have lusted for many men before you. And it always felt good" She said slowly. Alexander nodded his head, as he began to slowly understand her. She continued.

"But, Alex…"

"Alexander." He corrected her with a smirk. She smiled back and rolled her eyes.

"Fine, Alexander." Emphasizing her use of his full name. "But, I suppose you are asking how I know it is love? You wonder, how can it be anymore then lust, as we lie together for the first time? Well, lust feels good. But, oh, love feels so much better to my mind, as well as body, then any of my past lusts." With that, she kissed his lips, as he eased down onto the bed, pulling her with him.

She kissed him again, her love evident.

"But do you love me?" She whispered as her lips kissed his neck gently.

"Of course." He said, as she lay beside him, tired from their lovemaking.

As their sweaty bodies lay beside each other, she whispered, "I love you, Alexander." The final words of that first night.

**She is in my bloodstream, tonight she's draining me**

**The room is filled with reds and blues**

**I follow as she leads into the darkness**

**Drying up my veins, she's a ghost, a silhouette**

**Calling out my name**

_Author's note: Song is Dead in The water by Hawthorne Heights. I do not own Alexander or any of the songs in my story. I only own my plot line._


	2. Lies

The wine in Hephaestion's cup tasted bitter in his mouth. The feast going on around him was light hearted- he was not. He tried not to notice how Alexander looked at that servant boy. It wasn't right, or natural. Roxana, he could somewhat understand. She had a womb, Alexander needed an heir.

**I've got a real one for you**

**I'm done with compromise**

**Lies of white and black and blue**

**They hide inside those big brown eyes**

But a servant? Honestly, Alexander could be hopeless sometimes. Then, Hephaestion noticed that Roxana was walking towards him. Shit. Last person he wanted around him right now.

**You've got me, dirty angel**

**Aren't you ready to come clean?**

**When I'm looking down with sorrow**

**You say that I'm being mean**

**Don't you hear me when I say I'm lonely?**

**Do I kid myself to think that I am your one and only?**

"Hephaestion." She said, looking him straight in the eye. "Bagoas.. Who is he?"

"Alexander's servant." Hephaestion couldn't look her in the eye.

"So his servant is allowed to look at him…" Roxana began.

"Like a lover." Hephaestion finished for her. He flashed her a look, which revealed all of his pent up anger towards Alexander.

I can't tell you how many times I've cried over you, my baby

I've had one too many sleepless nights over you, my baby

"You love each other." Roxana was shocked. That was not the impression Alexander had left her with.

"He didn't want to." Hephaestion started.

"Hurt me?" Roxana's eyes began to water. Hephaestion went to brush the tears from her cheek.

"Sssshh." He whispered, as he gave Alexander a dirty look. Alexander, in return, gave him a puzzled stare, as he brushed Bagoas's cheek.

"Now, he is in love with a servant?" Roxana asked as Hephaestion gave Alexander a warning look when Alexander tried to approach them. Alexander, more confused then before, stayed back.

"Well, he…he is easily distracted." Hephaestion stammered.

"So I was just a new play thing?" Roxana asked, hoping she was wrong.

"Not quite." Hephaestion said, wandering why the hell Alexander was being so obvious.

"The funny thing is, I still love him." Roxana said, not crying anymore, " But how could I believe I was the only one, especially after you gave him that damn ring." Roxana whispered in a strangled frustration.

"Well, I admit he is being an ass for this particular display of affection, but he really does love you." Hephaestion said to Roxana, trying to calm her.

"He lied to me and he obviously lied to you, Phae." She said in a reasonable manner. Hephaestion was surprised she used his nickname to address him.

**Can't you see I'm wounded, baby?**

**Go ahead and put me down**

**You keep saying that I'm crazy**

**There's just rumors going 'round**

"From now on Phae, I shall treat you as an equal, because our love has lied to both of us both." Roxana told Hephaestion in a matter-of-fact way.

Hephaestion bowed his head to her.

"That is all I ask." He said smiling. It was then they both realized that despite Alexander's lies, they had each other to lean on.

Not even five minutes later, Roxana left the hall to talk to Alexander, who had left before her.

Hephaestion was then left to ponder their conversation. He supposed they were equals, seeing as how Alexander had lied to both of them when he said he loved no other.

**I'm dying to believe you**

**Tell me, what else should I do?**

**Who would want to play a fool?**

**Then find out it was true?**

Hephaestion sighed. He didn't quite understand why he loved Alexander so much. It seemed everything about the king set his heart ablaze. His golden hair reminded Hephaestion of the sun. When they had both been little boys, he thought of Alexander as his personal sun. But that was then, this is now.

He had sometimes wished he were a woman, so that then Alexander could have married him. But, when Roxana came along, he realized it was a pointless, unattainable wish.

He took another swig of wine. Roxana was right. How many times had he cried over Alexander, kidding himself to think he was the only lover. Well, only lover that mattered.

**Don't you hear me when I say I'm lonely?**

**Do I kid myself to think that I am your one and only?**

He drank a little more when Ptolemy and Cassander joined him. Cassander missed Thessa, Alexander's younger half- sister and Ptolemy was just checking the women present out.

I can't tell you how many times I've cried over you, my baby

I've had one too many sleepless nights over you, my baby

"You two stop whining over Thessa and Alexander. Honestly, no one cares! Just look at the women before us!" Ptolemy said, obviously in drunken stupor. Cassander just rolled his eyes.

**Cross your heart and hope to die**

**White or black it's still a lie**

**Every city that you fly**

**I sit home and wonder why**

"So Roxana kept you good company?" Cassander asked.

"Yes. She is actually decent, when she isn't trying to decide between killing you with her bare hands or poison." Hephaestion said to Cassander.

"Well be careful. Don't need you falling in love with the king's wife." Cassander said in a quiet, serious tone.

"PAH! Like that would ever happen. This was our only civil conversation." Hephaestion replied in an equally serious, quiet tone.

**I sit home and wonder why**

**While you're out there getting high**

**One more night for me to cry**

**Can you look me in the eye?**

Ptolemy passed out. They both paused and looked at him for a while and figured he would be fine.

**Cross your heart and hope to die**

**Hope to die**

**Hope to die**

**Hope to die**

**Hope to die**

"I think you two should keep it that way. If losing is the first thing Alexander isn't used too, sharing is definitely a close second." Cassander said sounding even graver then he had sounded when he first brought up the topic.

**I can't tell you how many times I've cried over you, my baby**

**I've had one too many sleepless nights over you, my baby**

"He lied about Baogas to both of us." Hephaestion said, tying to defend his new friendship.

**I can't tell you how many times I've cried over you, my baby**

**I've had one too many sleepless nights over you, my baby**

"I understand, but…" Cassander started, but Hephaestion cut hi off.

"No you don't. We only understand each other." Hephaestion said fiercely, as he stood u to leave the hall.

**I can't tell you how many times I've cried over you, my baby**

**I've had one too many sleepless nights over you, my baby**

Hephaestion stormed out, angered at Cassander, Alexander and himself.

How dare Cassander suggest he could betray Alexander like that?

How dare Alexander betray his two "loves" Roxana and Hephaestion?

And how dare Hephaestion allow himself to befriend Roxana?

It all begins and ends with lies. More specifically, Alexander's lies.

-------

Author's note: Chapter one - Dead in the Water- Hawthorne Heights

chapter two- Lies- The Pierces

Ok, guys, this is my first story for Alexander :) I know my pairings are not traditional or popular, but I was listening to my ipod right after watching the movie, and the plot line kinda just walked into my head :P So I wrote down all the songs I needed (and there are quite a few) and wrote :) So a review would be nice? I give you full permission to criticize my idea :)


	3. Don't Speak Liar

Alexander didn't hear Roxana as she quietly entered his tent. Not until he turned around and saw her.

"Roxana." He whispered, as he began to blush.

"Alexander, can we talk?" She asked him, as she walked towards him.

**Just sit back**

**And tell me**

**I'm a liar for this**

** Don't roll your eyes**

"Of course! How about over a little wine in my bed?" He smirked. He found her smiling a little as she came beside him.

"Not this time, I don't think either of us will find it appropriate." She said. What she really meant was that she did not want to be anymore vulnerable then she already felt.

**Rewind**

**This happens**

** Way too many times**

"Um.. Ok." He said, wondering why the hell he married a woman like his mother. Clearly not as intelligent as he had hoped.

" I didn't think you were a liar." She said.

"What do you mean?" He replied, nervously.

**So sit back**

**And tell me that your**

** Tired of this**

"I know about Hephaestion. And, as you so clearly displayed, Bagoas." She said.

"So you think I lied?" He said, growing angry.

"Or, if you would like, not entirely honest with the best of intentions." She replied hastily. She hated him angry.

"So, in other words, a liar." He rephrased bitterly, spitting the words out like rancid food.

"Well yes, after you pledged you love only to me….well, I guess you love the idea of loving me. That is something, I suppose." She stated, bitter sweetly.

"What the hell was I supposed to say?"

"The truth."

"You were about to kill me."

**I know**

**I'll grow up someday**

**But it's 2am**

**And I'm too high and dry**

** And I won't come down to**

"I married for love. Your words would have killed me first."

"Once again, one of us would have died. And what about you and Phae? Awful close tonight."

"Well, he was comforting me, after you flirted with a servant! A servant?!"

" I cannot help whom I love."

"But you can deny your wife the truth." Roxana spat angrily. Both tempers had flared.

**No we won't talk**

**We won't say a word**

**I know**

**You've heard this before**

**Don't speak, liar**

"So what do you want then. You already seem to have it all figured out." He said bitterly. She wouldn't have felt worse if he had kicked her in the stomach. But she steeled herself.

"The truth from your mouth." She said, after two minutes of frustrated silence.

**Sit back**

**And tell me why**

**I'm so prone to this**

**Do you think I'm fond of**

**Getting you and letting you down**

** And I'll get mine soon**

"The truth? Fine. Here is the fucking truth." He said, all affection for Roxana disappearing from his body language.

**So when I come back**

**I won't say a word**

**I know**

**I've said this before**

** Don't speak, lia**r

"Go on." Roxana said, her eyes growing large with fear. This was the worst she had ever seen him.

His eyes softened for two seconds. Then he sighed.

**No we won't talk**

**We won't say a word**

**I know**

**You've heard this before**

** Don't speak, liar**

"Do you really want to do this to yourself?" He asked , as he reached out to brush her cheek. She pulled away. He gathered his thoughts, before he broke her heart.

"I ….. have ….. to." She said, tearing up.

"Fine. I love Hephaestion. " He said. She gestured for him to continue.

**And if the story ends here**

**I can't be surprised to find**

**Your eyes are open wide**

** And that I have inspired you**

"I love you." He stated.

"What of Bagoas?" She asked.

"I have no interest in him." Alexander said, He had lied.

"I see." She said numbly. Once again, he had lied to her face. She looked down at her feet.

**And when you come back**

**Don't say a word**

**I know**

**You've said this before**

** Don't speak, liar**

Alexander watched her for any sign she had picked up on his lie. She turned to leave, as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't speak. I understand." She said, as she walked out of his chambers. Once she was sure she was out of Alexander's earshot, she muttered one word.

"Liar."

**No we won't talk**

**We won't say a word**

**I know**

**We've heard this before**

**Don't speak, liar**

**Don't speak, liar**

**Whoa-oh**

** Don't speak, liar**

**-----**

**Author's note: Yes, one review :D a few more would be nice, but I am not complaining. Also, this story will be very long... I was listening to quite a few songs after the movie. The song for this chapter was Don't Speak Liar by We the Kings. **

**Elpis of Hope: Thanks for such a kind review :) I am glad you liked it, I enjoy writing :) However, I MUST admit there are a few chapters I really enjoyed writing (yeah there are waaayyy more then three) . And I really do believe Roxana loved Alexander, and alot of fan fictions and in the movie paint her as being manipulative and cold, so this will be a story focusing on her. And as in with all love quadrilaterals, soomeone always gets hurt :( So yes Elpis, there will be alot more of this story for your entertainment :) And being the attention whore I am, I love sharing my fiction :)**

**Also, yes, the pairings will get weird as the story goes on, I am even a little angry at myself for how I am about set the pairings. As always, feel free to blast me for any of my pairings! I really don't mind, I promise to write a really fluffy H/A fic after :)**


	4. Bad Boy

Roxana took a breath and walked down the row of tents to Hephaestion's. She didn't bother knocking,

"Hephaestion?" She called out in a hoarse whisper. Hephaestion's sleeping form stirred, Roxana muttered an oath and right up to his bed and pulled back the covers. She wasn't quite prepared to witness Hephaestion's bare back.

**Remember the feelings, remember the day**

**My stone heart was breaking**

**My love ran away**

"Oh..um..uh." She started, as Hephaestion raised his head, and realized whom he was dealing with. Had the Internet existed, he could have typed quite the FML post.

"Fu- Roxana?" He asked, as he reached for his robe. She turned around, to give him more privacy.

**This moments I knew I would be someone else**

**My love turned around and I fell**

"I talked to Alexander." She said.

**Be my bad boy, be my man**

**Be my week-end lover**

"Oh .. Listen I am …" Hephaestion started.

**But don't be my friend**

**You can be my bad boy**

"He lied about the servant boy." She whispered bitterly.

"No surprise there. He always was a bit of a dumb ass at times," Hephaestion replied.

**But understand**

**That I don't need you in my life again**

"Well, I think we should teach him a lesson." Roxana said in a not-so-innocent tone of voice.

"You cannot be serious." Hephaestion said, some what horrified. He silently remembered to yell at Alexander for marrying a younger, more creative and somewhat less sadistic form of his mother.

**Won't you be my bad boy, be my man**

**Be my week-end lover**

**But don't be my friend**

"Oh, but I am." She said turning to face him.

"What do you propose?" Hephaestion asked cautiously.

"How do we feel?"

**You can be my bad boy**

**But understand**

"Well, in you case pretty vindictive. I'm kind of scared shit less."

"NO! Imbecile, I meant what feeling do we share?" Roxana asked.

"Your scared shit less too?" Hephaestion asked, joking.

"NO! How do we both feel about Bagoas?" She asked, getting more exasperated by the minute.

**That I don't need you again**

**No I don't need you again**

"Jealous?"

"Good! You earned some new eye liner!" Roxana teased.

"Ok, ok. You want to make Alexander jealous?" Hephaestion asked.

"That is precisely what I was thinking." She said, smiling innocently.

**You once made this promise**

**To stay by my side**

"Well, how are YOU going to do that?" He asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"You mean, how are WE going to do that." She said. Olympias would be proud.

"We? Who said anything about a we?" Hephaestion quipped, unsure of this proposition of hers. She was, after all a mini Olympias.

"We both hate Bagoas. Therefore , getting rid of him has it's benefits for both of us," She said.

**But after some time you just pushed me aside**

**You never thought that a girl could be strong**

**Now I'll show you how to go on**

"More Alexander to go around?" Hephaestion asked.

"Yes." She confirmed, glad he finally understood.

"And how are we gonna do this?" Hephaestion asked. What he really meant was, "Where do we hide the body?"

**Be my bad boy, be my man**

**Be my week-end lover**

**But don't be my friend**

"What are the two things he isn't used to?" She asked.

"Losing .. and sharing" Hephaestion said. He understood now.

"Who is he not used to sharing?"

"Us." He said, shocked.

**You can be my bad boy**

**But understand**

**That I don't need you in my life again**

"Yes. My plan is, we act …." She began, but Hephaestion finished for her.

"Like lovers."

"We don't have to do anything. Just spend time together, look at each other.."

**Won't you be my bad boy, be my man**

**Be my week-end lover**

**But don't be my friend**

Even so, Hephaestion felt a little guilty. Sure, he was pissed, but could he do this? Well, he could, but would he?

Roxana waited patiently for his answer. He finally looked at her.

"We begin at dawn."

"Excellent" She said. Hephaestion noticed she looked tired, and her tent was still a long way off.

"Roxana, it is late, a lot of the men in this camp are drunk … would you like to stay here tonight?" He asked earnestly.

"You don't think I could defend myself?" She quipped.

**You can be my bad boy**

**But understand**

"You think 1 , 2, 3 or more men who have been drinking , with no sense of their actions, will care who you are?" He boldly stated.

"Fine. Don't you DARE touch anywhere beneath my dress." She said, giving him a suspicious look, before turning to get on the bed.

"As you wish" He said, climbing into his bed.

Despite their attempts, Roxana fell asleep in Hephaestion's strong arms. And, for the first time since her wedding night, she felt secure. Safe.

**That I don't need you again**

**No I don't need you again**

**

* * *

**

Author's note: Bad Boy- Cascada. I KNOW ,it doesn't do this chapter justice, but it's all i COULD COME UP WITH. Kinda sad, i know. Read and review :D

Elpis :You are right, this is very patient of Roxana lol but she freaks out later in the story, several times :D when i first say the movie i did not like Phae because he was so mean towards Roxana when they had scenes together, but now I love him :) Yes, well, the issue is never really resolved in the story, and I don't think you'll like Roxana much through out the story, towards the end she redeems herself in an interesting way but that is after a lot of key events. And I like to think Alexander had no emotional attachment to Bagoas either ...lol helps me sleep at night :P aha but yes, the generals will be slightly involved.. well, just Ptolemy, because I love him, and Cassander because he is a pain in the ass :) I will try and get another chapter up tonight, if I can...and thanks for the kind review as always Elpis :D


	5. Dirty Little Secret

Roxana awoke next morning at daybreak, with Hephaestion's arm wound tightly around her. She got up and went to the door to leave. Then, he heard Alexander muttering to himself behind the cloth door, obviously about to enter. She saw a chair, and hid behind it. Alexander, oblivious to her presence, swung the cloth door open, entered and began his speech.

**Let me know that I've done wrong**

**When I've known this all along**

**I go around a time or two**

**Just to waste my time with you**

"Oh, Hephaestion, I have made a horrible mistake!" He began.

Hephaestion opened one eye lazily and was about to tell Alexander to let him sleep when he noticed Roxana trying to sneak out.

**Tell me all that you've thrown away**

**Find out games you don't wanna play**

**You are the only one that needs to know**

"What have you done?" He asked his king earnestly.

"Roxana! I've driven her away! Oh, why am I such a bad person?!" Alexander said dejectedly. Hephaestion wasn't listening though. He was watching Roxana making her escape.

"Phae? Phae! PHAE?! Are you paying attention?" Alexander asked. Hephaestion saw Roxana leave, and then returned his attention to Alexander.

"I am sorry. You were saying?" He asked.

**I'll keep you my dirty little secret**

**(Dirty little secret)**

**Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret**

**(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)**

**My dirty little secret**

Later that day, as Hephaestion walked with Ptolemy, Cassander and Alexander, he noticed Roxana sitting, hunched over a piece of cloth. He excused himself and as his friends watched, rushed to see her.

"Roxana, what are you doing?" He asked.

"Drawing." She replied absent-mindedly.

"What?" He asked.

"Bucephalus. I figured Alexander would like it." She said proudly. And, Hephaestion had to admit, it was a rather good representation of the mighty warhorse.

"You're a lovely artist. You should show Alexander." He said.

"I will, one day."

"I am serious. He would find it enchanting." Hephaestion whispered, right into her ear. She smiled, delighted by the praise.

"He can be so child-like sometimes." She half-whispered, half-giggled. Hephaestion smiled in agreement.

**Who has to know**

**When we live such fragile lives**

**It's the best way we survive**

**I go around a time or two**

**Just to waste my time with you**

At dinner a few days later, Hephaestion and Roxana kept looking at each other grinning and making faces. Cassander definitely noticed, as well as Alexander. They discussed the matter during dinner in hushed whispers.

"What are they saying? What is gong on?" Alexander asked, annoyed that he wasn't in on the joke.

**Tell me all that you've thrown away**

**Find out games you don't wanna play**

**You are the only one that needs to know**

"Maybe they are friends." Cassander suggested, surprisingly trying to defend then from the king's wrath. Alexander gave Cassander his infamous "you-cannot-be-serious" look.

"A few days ago, they hated each other, " the blonde said.

"Severely disliked." Cassander corrected.

"Whatever same thing." Alexander said.

Weeks passed, and the bond between Roxana and Hephaestion grew stronger. Alexander, busy with his military endeavors, decided to ignore it, figuring it was for the best. Until one day, they overstepped a boundary.

**I'll keep you my dirty little secret**

**(Dirty little secret)**

**Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret**

**(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)**

**My dirty little secret**

Over time, their scheme became less about revenge and more about preserving their friendship. One day, Roxana asked Hephaestion when they could share a private meal together. One day later, he showed up in her quarters.

"Roxana?" He asked, timid in front of her maids.

"Phae?!" She answered excitedly, hugging him tightly.

"Would you like to ride out to a secret place with me? So that we may share that private meal together?" he asked.

"Why of course. Jut let me go put on a Macedonian dress." She said. And she came back out in a bright blue dress, similar to Olympias's.

**Who has to know**

**The way she feels inside (inside)**

**Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)**

**These sleeping thoughts won't lie (won't lie)**

**And all I've tried to hide**

**It's eating me apart**

**Trace this life out**

30 minutes later, Roxana was clinging to Hephaestion's waist as they rode Castor to their destination. She smiled, as her wind whipped raven hair wasn't touching her back. Hephaestion smiled to himself. He enjoyed making her days more bearable.

**I'll keep you my dirty little secret**

**(Dirty little secret)**

**Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret**

**(Just another regret)**

Trees, with a small pond, surrounded the clearing.

"It is gorgeous Hephaestion." Roxana whispered.

"Thank you. May I offer you wine?" Hephaestion offered with a smile.

"Of course." She accepted. After a few minutes of drinking, Roxana lay down beside Hephaestion, arms behind her head for a pillow.

"So, Hephaestion, did you love your father?"

"Yes I did. Do you?" Hephaestion asked.

"Maybe. Before our.. Friendship, when I first found out I was to court Alexander, I felt… whored out. Like my father was whoring me out to save his ass. No, I cannot say I love him. I can say I like him, however." She said.

"You feel.. Lost?" Hephaestion asked.

"Before you, always." Roxana smiled.

"Same here. I felt lost amongst people who hate me, disregarded me, mocked me.." Hephaestion said.

"With only Alexander making you stay." Roxana whispered, showing she knew how he felt.

"Well, until now. Who knew I could enjoy having you around so much?" He teased.

Roxana then got an idea. She got up; ad lay down on top of him. Hephaestion felt a stirring of lust. Fuck. She then got her ace close to his. So close, he could kiss her with just a turn of his head.

"So, great general, tell me, under all this armor," She began, in a seductive tone. Hephaestion tried not to look at her. "Are you…ticklish?"

**I'll keep you my dirty little secret**

**(Dirty little secret)**

**Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret**

**(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)**

**My dirty little secret**

**Dirty little secret**

**Dirty little secret**

He sighed in relief, until she tickled his neck, the only part of him to could reach that would not require her to rip his clothes off. He tickled her sides, their laughter carrying on through out the forest. Their sanctuary from the hell of Alexander's court.

A sanctuary, which consisted of cheap wine, bread, butter, meat for a menu. The smell of horse sweat, tree sap and Roxana's perfume. The sound of birds, Castor as he grazed and snorted, and laughter. The sight of two people, clinging to each other, silently in a desperate search for something (other the Alexander) to believe in.

Who has to know? Or, more importantly, who doesn't need to know? Everyone else in the world.

**Who has to know**

**Who has to know**

----

Author's note: chapter 5 :) as promised :P Dirty Little Secret- All American Rejects. Enjoy :D r'n'r


	6. Elevator Love Letter

Over the coming months, Hephaestion and Roxana would find a safe place, every new destination. A place they could drink, eat and talk in privacy. The more they talked to each other, the more they liked each other. Or, loved each other.

It hit Roxana, one night. Her tent had a huge rip in it, and seeing as how Alexander trusted no other man, Hephaestion had a new roommate. So, there they were. In a small tent, sharing bedding. As they lay there, Roxana wrapped in his arms, she knew that she loved him.

**I'm so hard for a rich girl**

**My heels are high, my eyes cast low**

**And I don't know how to love**

She felt horrible, like a liar. She had accused Alexander of such betrayal and she was betraying her friend, Phae 's trust. She got up, and looked around the tent for something to hurt herself with. She had picked the habit up from when she was 12 from some women in her father's harem, who explained it made them feel better. This was also the one secret she had always kept to herself. She found a knife – Excellent. She focused on the reward-the punishment. She always did this when she felt stupid or worthless or in pain or like a hypocrite. This was her coping mechanism, how she dealt with things.

**I get so tired after midday, lately**

**I take it out on my good friends**

**But the worst stays in, or where would I begin?**

Hephaestion stirred in his bed. He opened one cerulean eye as Roxana took the blade to the bottom of her foot.

"Roxana? Are you okay?" He asked, noticing the tears on her face, " Would you like to talk about it?" He offered.

"No, it was an accident." She claimed, not looking him in the eye.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yes." She lied. She hated lying to him. It was clear he knew she was lying to him.

**My office glows all night long**

**Its a nuclear show, and the stars are gone**

**Elevator, Elevator, take me home**

"Fine then. Now, come back to bed, someone needs to protect you from the boogey man." He teased.

"That is right Phae. You shall go down in history as the man who protected his queen by sleeping with her." Roxana said. Hephaestion raised an eyebrow.

"Is there someone you would like to be doing in this tent?" He asked, raising his eyebrow even more, if only by a millimeter. He loved seeing her blush.

"As a matter-of-fact there is something I would like to be doing. It is called sleeping." She replied, getting up, wincing as she put her weight on her foot, and climbed into bed.

**I'm so hot for the rich girl**

**Her heels so high, and my hopes so low**

**'Cause I don't know how to love**

**I'll take her home after midnight**

Hephaestion re-wrapped his arms around her. So, this was the big secret she had been hiding. The secret she could never tell, always stopping before she could say it.

He hurt when he saw her do that. It meant there was something eating away at her from the inside. And her brown eyes in so much pain … oh well. He just held her tighter. He didn't understand why he cared so much.

**And if she likes, I'll tell her lies**

**How we'll be in love by the morning**

**I don't think she knows**

**That I'm saying good bye**

The next night, Hephaestion got into bed with Roxana again. As usual, they talked about silly, unimportant things.

"What was he thinking?" Roxana laughed, as Hephaestion told her about the time he and Alexander had tried to take one of Olympias's snakes.

"I don't really know." Phae said, lying beside her on his back.

"Well, she sounds like quite the character." Roxana said.

"She is, but she loves Alexander." Hephaestion replied.

**My office glows all night long**

**Its a nuclear show, and the stars are gone**

**Elevator, Elevator, take me home**

A comfortable silence enveloped them. Roxana was soon asleep and Hephaestion smiled. He liked her happy. He had discussed the previous night with Ptolemy, who had sworn not to tell. Ptolemy had advised to go to Alexander if it happens again. But why? To punish her for feeling pain, for being human?

Anyway, he took the opportunity to look for scars. Scars from cutting. Many on her feet, a few on her underarms and most likely covered by her dress. By the Gods, Alexander was so clueless. Lovable but oh-so clueless.

He began thinking that if he was married to Roxana, he would at least pay more attention to her physical well being. As he looked at her, all he felt was love. Love for her. Then he gasped. Shit. No. He could not love Roxana. She was the wife of his male lover. 9Once again, great FML post waiting to happen.)

**My office glows all night long**

**Its a nuclear show, and the stars are gone**

**Elevator, Elevator, take me home**

He shifted his weight as he lay back down, which woke up Roxana.

"Are you ok?" She asked quietly.

"Roxana , I think…" He began, not sure how to finish.

"You think what?" She asked nervously.

"I think… I … I…" He started, the words on the tip of his tongue when a drunk Ptolemy entered his tent.

"Oh heyyy there guys!" He said loudly.

"Erm, hello." Hephaestion replied. Roxana just stared back in bewilderment.

Not even two seconds later, Ptolemy passed out on the floor. Roxana blinked, then turned to Hephaestion.

"So what were you going to say?" She asked.

"I love you Roxana." Phae said. Roxana just looked at him. Ptolemy woke up , and sat up.

"Well on the bright side, now a three some with you two and Alexander won't be so awkward anymore." He said in drunken stupor. Roxana and Hephaestion just exchanged looks, before Hephaestion kicked Ptolemy out of the tent.

**Don't go, say you'll stay**

**Spend a lazy Sunday**

**In my arms, I won't take**

**Anything away**

Hephaestion returned to Roxana's side.

"So, what do you think?" He asked, preparing for the worst verbal whipping of his natural life.

"I love you too." She replied. They couldn't help but smile at each other.

"But we love Alexander, and seeing as how I am married to him, and have responsibilities for him, the foremost being a legitimate heir to his throne."

Hephaestion knew the words were coming, but it still hurt to know he would remain second.

"So, tomorrow I will sleep in Alexander's tent." She said, wanting to avoid all possible temptation. He nodded in agreement.

"Or I could leave now." She said. He wrapped his arms around her tighter, and pressed his face into her hair.

"Please say you will stay in my arms tonight." He whispered.

Roxana smiled at him.

"I wil stay in your arms tonight." She whispered, before adding , "But only for tonight."

Hephaestion nodded in agreement. It was how it had to be. For Alexander, and for them. They both fell back asleep.

**Don't go, say you'll stay**

**Spend a lazy Sunday**

**In my arms, don't take**

**Anything away**

**

* * *

**

Author's note : Another chapter up! Song" Elevator Love Letter by The Stars. So, I guess you are all starting to see my weird pairing? This is probably time to mention that this story is not historically accurate at...all.

Elpis: Thank you for all the kind reviews :) i am glad you are enjoying the story. It is true, however, they had the best of intentions. They just wanted more of Alexander's attention. Yes, I think the ending will redeem her for some, plus it will lead into the sequel :) However, the ending has less to do with Hephaestion and Alexander and more with her relationships with Barsine, Ptolemy, Cassander, Aegus and Hercules. And Alexander never really resolves it, he chooses to see that it is not there.

But you shall see Elpis :) next chapter Roxana has her freak out :P

as always, review please :) i would like to know how everyone else feels about my story :D


	7. Big Fight

Roxana decided to surprise Alexander the next night, in his tent. She left Hephaestion's early to prepare for the night and to resist the temptation Hephaestion's body provided.

**How could you do it**

**I couldn't say**

**Years built on sand**

As dusk appeared, she set out for her favored tent. She snuck around the other tents, so that her arrival would remain a secret.

She opened the tent flap, expecting to see Alexander alone. Not only was he not alone, he was in a compromising position with our favorite eunuch , Bagoas. Alexander muttered "Go" to Bagoas and turned to Roxana.

**June until May**

**Second to second**

**Lied even while you held my hand**

"What brings you here?" He asked, acting as if nothing had happened. Big mistake.

"You're my husband. I figured I could sleep here tonight." She said, in a resentful tone.

"I wasn't expecting you."

"That is the point of a surprise."

"Listen, I know your upset." He said.

"You KNOW? You fucking lied to me! You should fucking know I am upset. Can you here me now?" She yelled ,"Can you hear me when I say I can barely stand being second to Hephaestion, but I will not be third to a fucking EUNUCH!"

**Its death for the living**

**Yes I am a ghost**

**The mirror is cloudy**

Alexander breathed in deeply. He couldn't risk losing his temper now, with no one to keep him from killing her. Roxana stopped yelling after two minutes, and just started crying. Between sobs, she said : "How could you? I love you so much? I am so in love." Roxana started crying harder realizing she was also in love with Hephaestion.

Alexander sat on his bed, looking at her. What should he do? Send for wine, try to make it up to her? Send for Ptolemy, who was always funny drunk? Read her the Iliad? Send her out? Send for Hephaestion?

His last idea actually sounded pretty good. He and Roxana could use a "neutral" third party to talk things out with. And besides, Hephaestion would take his side! Perfect compromise!

**I loved you the most**

**You threw out the pieces**

**Did things we didn't understand**

He called for a guard to get Hephaestion, who was asleep. Thinking "this better be good " he entered the tent to a crying Roxana and a pacing Alexander.

"What did you do?" Hephaestion asked Alexander.

"It is not technically what I did, but what she saw." Alexander replied.

"What did she see you do" Hephaestion asked.

"MORE LIKE WHO!" Roxana yelled from the corner where she had curled up to cry.

"For the love of Zeus, shut up woman." Alexander said, losing his short temper at an alarming speed.

"Be patient. Roxana, what did you see?" Hephaestion asked her, figuring she was a better source of information.

"He was kissing and touching that fuckwad of a eunuch." She said bitterly, through her tears, "He lied. He said he had no interest in him."

**He doesn't want her but he just wont let her go**

**She started breaking but she still wont let it show**

Alexander sighed impatiently. Hephaestion gave him a dangerous look.

"Alexander, why did you lie? Not just because your wife is quite possibly having a psychotic break down, but out of personal interest as well." Hephaestion looked at him, daring him to lie.

**The clothes in the wardrobe**

**Just send them to me**

**There's bills here for you**

"I lied to protect you two." Alexander admitted. Roxana rose up, dried her eyes and headed for the exit. The two men reached out to stop her.

"Don't you fucking dare touch me." She said dangerously. The two men gulped

"Now, I am going to go get ridiculously drunk with Ptolemy and Cassander. After spending tomorrow morning puking and with a headache, I will decide whether or not to take one of your pathetic excuses for a horse- except Buchephalus, he thinks your pretty thick too- and ride all the way back to home, Babylon …. Or better yet, Olympias." She said all to calmly. Alexander and Hephaestion exchanged looks as she left.

**That's cause nothing is free**

**We build up with things**

**To make us who we want to be**

Hephaestion's look said , "Why the hell do you marry a woman like your mother and then piss her off?" and Alexander's was "FML".

**Is she in the background**

**I just wouldn't know**

**Did I build you a prison**

"Look, I will go apologize." Alexander said, heading for the door, but Hephaestion cut him off.

"I will. You have already done enough damage." He left the tent, and headed to Ptolemy's tent.

He didn't bother announcing his entrance. He just went in and saw Cassander, looking really bored and Ptolemy and Roxana, somewhat drunk. Cassander was reading a scroll, while Ptolemy and Roxana were on Ptolemy's bed, laughing stupidly between long sips of wine.

"Just making sure he didn't rip her clothes off or anything," Cassander said, not bothering to look up.

"Thank you." Hephaestion muttered, before walking over to pick Roxana up from the bed.

**Please don't let me go**

**I've unlocked the doors**

**But you can't walk away from me**

He picked her up, and carried her to his tent. He listened to her drunken ramblings , like how dumb people were to compare her to Olympias, and how much she loved Phae and Alex and how horrible this night was turning out to be, and how she was horrible for loving Phae and Alex at the same time.

Hephaestion dropped her on the bed, and left her to get some water and a bucket for the massive hang over she most likely would be having tomorrow. He wasn't

prepared for the turn of events the evening would take upon his return.

**He doesn't want her but he just wont let her go**

**She started breaking but she still wont let it show**

**He doesn't want her but he just wont let her go**

**

* * *

Authors note: I think most of you will be able to stomach this chapter :D Roxana freak out, as promised :) R'n'R please :)**


	8. Coppertone

When Hephaestion returned, Roxana was struggling out of her dress. He gazed at her sympathetically.

"Well, are you going to just stand there or are you going to help me get my clothes off?" She asked impatiently.

"Wait one second." He said, putting the water and bucket down. He reached for the pin, guessing held the garment together. He undid it, but was unprepared for it to fall off completely.

**Do you think you're up for this?**

**Are you ready to get undressed,**

**undressed in your evening best besides,**

**every heart is like a house on fire with escape**

**routes in every room.**

**These are the trials of our youth.**

"GAH!" He yelped, covering his eyes.

"Am I really that ugly?" She asked sulkily.

"No, no it is just your naked. In my tent. And not to mention you are married to my best friend." He replied.

Look at me." She said, walking up close to him, so all he could see was her face.

She undid his cloak, and whatever was holding his chitin together.

**But this charade is never going to last**

**so pick the poison and pour yourself a glass**

**I still feel the same**

**No one's to blame**

"There, now we are even." She whispered.

"Listen, it is not to late. I can put my clothes back on and go sleep in Ptolemy's tent." He said. Roxana grabbed his hand and held it in hers.

"I don't want to lose you tonight." She said.

"But this feels forbidden." He said.

"But you love me." She said softly.

"And you love me. " He said, even softer.

"Maybe, this was the plan of the Gods." She said.

"Yes. This is their grand plan. Get us naked in a tent together." He said sarcastically. She laughed.

"No. What I meant was that maybe they gave us this night." She said.

"One could argue it was Alexander." He replied.

"Yes, but we all know you are the only one who would argue that." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

**I will be waiting outside if you're ready to go.**

**Your sundress reflects in the headlight glow.**

**Besides, every heart is like a house of cards**

**when the walls break down on you.**

**These are the trials of our youth.**

They stared at each other for a bit. Neither sure how to move. The right thing : Put their clothes back on, Roxana sleeping in his tent, Hephaestion crashing in Ptolemy's. Alexander's tent wasn't an acceptable option. The wrong thing would be closing the gap between them. Entwine fingers in hair, let hands explore , exchange certain bodily fluids. Lie together like husband and wife. Put their clothes on the next morning and pray there was not a mini-Hephaestion implanting in Roxana's womb. Decide where to go from there.

**But this charade is never going to last**

**so pick the poison and pour yourself a glass**

**I still feel the same**

**These are the fast times**

**These are the fast times**

"I love you. I can't lose you." She whispered in his ear. ( What she really meant was , "If you validate me tonight, I will not strangle my husband and his eunuch with my bare hands.") . Hephaestion sighed and out his forehead against hers,

**But this charade is never going to last**

**so pick the poison and pour yourself a glass**

**I still feel the same**

"I don't want to lose you either." He whispered.

"Well, I know one way you won't have too." She whispered. She then kissed him, and he kissed back. They had sealed their fate.

**These mistakes are just a part of the ride**

**and if we choke on the next tongue that we tie**

**I still feel the same**

**These are the fast times**

**These are the fast times**

**These are the fast times**

**These are the fast times**

**----**

**Author's note- So I imagine this will be the most hated chapter of them all :P The song for the last chapter was Big Fight- Stars and this is Coppertone- The Academy Is...**

**Feel free to comment :D i BEG FOR A COMMENT :) **


	9. I will Possess Your Heart

Roxana woke up. She felt her body pressed against whom she assumed to be Alexander. And she had one hell of a headache. She opened one eye lazily. She heard a hushed whisper

"Roxana?" A hushed whisper asked. She tried to think of who could be here this early. Maybe she was dead. And this whisper would take her away…

"Yes?" She replied confused. Her head was pounding.

"Get up. Before Alexander wakes and comes in here!" She heard who was distinctly Ptolemy.

"Isn't he already here?" She asked, looking over. Ptolemy held up her dress from last night, as she realized it was Hephaestion beside her.

"What? Ptolemy I don't understand.." Roxana began, but Ptolemy cut her off.

"Please put your dress on, so we an leave before Alexander comes and decides to disembowel all of us on the spot." Ptolemy said, before he just swung her over shoulder and went to his tent. Good thing it was early. No one was up so no one would see his or her humiliation.

**How I wish you could see the potential,**

**The potential of you and me.**

**It's like a book elegantly bound but,**

**In a language that you can't read.**

**Just yet**.

"Here is some breakfast." Ptolemy offered, handing her some bread and wine. She didn't feel like eating.

"Appetizing." She muttered.

"What, will you eat it when Hephaestion does when he comes here for breakfast?" Ptolemy asked sarcastically. On cue, Hephaestion walked in, grabbed his share of bread and wine.

"Good morning." Hephaestion said, all while looking at Roxana.

"Hello? Aren't any of you going to than me for waking up and getting Roxana, thus saving you from Alexander?" Ptolemy said. It was clear he hadn't stopped.

"What were you two thinking? What if she's pregnant?" Ptolemy said exasperatedly.

"What if who is pregnant?" Alexander asked. Everyone looked at each other nervously while Alexander tapped his foot impatiently.

**You gotta spend some time, Love.**

**You gotta spend some time with me.**

**And I know that you'll find, love**

**I will possess your heart.**

**You gotta spend some time, Love.**

**You gotta spend some time with me.**

**And I know that you'll find, love**

**I will possess your heart.**

"I am waiting." He said, annoyed they hadn't told him anything.

"One of my maids slept with.. um… Parmenion and know she is cranky and fat and we think she is pregnant." Roxana said. All three men collectively shuddered.

"Parmenion? Really? Oh well, tell her I hope for the best." Alexander said before stuffing a hunk of bread into his mouth and leaving for his duties.

**There are days when outside your window**

**I see my reflection as I slowly pass,**

**And I long for this mirrored perspective**

**When we'll be lovers, lovers at last.**

Hephaestion walked Roxana to her caravan.

"You know, I will have your heart." He said.

"What?"

"I mean, you will love me more then you love Alexander. He could use a little friendly competition." Hephaestion said.

"No. Last night cannot happen again. It cannot mean anything. I t was just meaningless drunken sex." She said.

"You suggested it."

"You didn't have to do it." She replied.

**You gotta spend some time, Love.**

**You gotta spend some time with me.**

**And I know that you'll find, love**

**I will possess your heart.**

**You gotta spend some time, Love.**

**You gotta spend some time with me.**

**And I know that you'll find, love**

**I will possess your heart.**

**I will possess your heart.**

**I will possess your heart.**

"It was consensual," He countered.

"I wasn't denying that. But what if I do get pregnant?" She said nervously.

"So? Alexander would be thrilled to have a chilled look like both of us." He said.

"So? Of course Alexander would love it but the generals? If you or Alexander die in a campaign then who will defend the boy? Ptolemy is only one general, and even he will know the parentage is questionable. And we don't need to give Cassander for ammunition against us." She said, hoping Hephaestion understood her.

"I will deal with that, when and if that happens. But if we love each other, why should we not express it?" He asked. Roxana sighed.

"Because what you are suggesting is treason. Betrayal. "She said.

**You reject my... advances... and desperate pleas...**

**I won't let you... let me down... so easily.**

**So easily.**

They paused and looked at each other.

"You would be much more convincing if I didn't know that you were thinking about last night. How my kisses trailed down your neck, how I felt and I bet you would do it all over again." Hephaestion said to Roxana. Roxana gulped. He was right. Damn why was he always right?

**You gotta spend some time, Love.**

**You gotta spend some time with me.**

**And I know that you'll find, love**

**I will possess your heart.**

**You gotta spend some time, Love.**

**You gotta spend some time with me.**

"I have to go" She said, turning and running straight back to her caravan. He couldn't have her heart if she kept rejecting him. Even if he kept it up, she wouldn't say yes. Well, that isn't the whole truth. She would say yes, if she could. But she was married. Even though her husband seemed to have no trouble at all with breaking their vows. But she couldn't. She didn't want to. But she had. What was the point?

**And I know that you'll find, love**

**I will possess your heart.**

**You gotta spend some time, Love.**

**You gotta spend some time with me.**

**And I know that you'll find, love**

**I will possess your heart.**

**I will possess your heart.**

**I will possess your heart.**

------

Author's note: song ; I will Possess Your Heart- Death Cab for Cutie. As always r'n'r

Elpis: Haha it is ok :) Thanks for favoriting me as an author, it means a lot as well as your compliments of my writing skills :D They definitely are a confidence boost. I am glad to see you are still reading to find out how it ends. Yes, I suppose this is the first fic to suggest the had affection for each other..at all... And Alexander comes off selfish and close minded because I haven't built him up yet. Yes, I must admit, they would have been an interesting union of allies, common enemies being Cassander and Bagoas I would expect. Aha being at a loss for words? I expected that, it is unusual to think of.

Yumemakura: Thank you :) I can always picture Hephaestion saying that, it just seems like something he would say. ;p

I'll try and get another chapter up, which explains Alexander a little more.


	10. Automatic Eyes

Alexander thought while he rode. He usually did this to distract himself from the realities of war and campaigning. However, this time, not even his thoughts were an escape. After the big fight with Roxana and Hephaestion, all he could do was think of them. His mind wasn't allowing them to leave him alone.

**Staring at the mirror through your hair,**

**You can't see everything that you did to me.**

**With your automatic eyes, five years disappeared.**

**Five years disappeared that night.**

At first, he thought their friendship was a positive thing. But now? They were spending so much time together. Laughing, smiling, as if Bucephalus had started pissing rainbows or something stupid like that. The more he thought of that, the angrier he became.

**Do you want me to stay,**

**Do you want me to go?**

**Do you think I recognize**

He lost focus of where he was leading the procession. He started picturing them, Laughing. Drinking. Eating. Together, of fucking course.

**The look on your face when you think that**

**I know?**

**Blinded as the shades draw closed**

Fuck. Perfect word to describe what he saw next. bare body to bare body. Hands roaming, lips brushing. Roxana whispering "Phae.."

He couldn't take it anymore. He pushed Bucephalus into a hard gallop.

**Time's up for us**

**Would you want me to go,**

**If you knew what I know?**

**If you knew what I know**

Of course, this confused everyone else. Hephaestion left Ptolemy in charge. Eventually, Alexander stopped and allowed Hephaestion to catch up to him.

**Staring at the wall above the bed,**

**I can't sleep with all the secrets that you keep.**

"Are you sleeping with her?" Alexander demanded Hephaestion, startled answered a firm "No", stopping when he realized he was about to add "But I wish I was."

"Do you love her?" Alexander boomed.

**With your automatic eyes,**

**Five years disappeared.**

**Five years disappeared that night.**

-----

Okay, all my loyal readers :D So the next few chapters are going to be short and sweet, because they depict events that happens one right after the other. This is the first time. I think after chapter 16, things will get longer again. Hope fully I will get another two or three short chapters up tonight. :) the song is Automatic Eyes- The Academy Is.....

delos13: Although you did not review my story, I am going to reply to your comment here, because it technically was a review :) Thanks, I wrote all the chapters out by hand, so all I need to do is type, lol I better start righting the rest of the story so I can keep up the speed :) Thanks, this story is one of the ways I beat summer boredom :D This story is turning out better then what I imagined, right after the movie, listening to my iPod lol we can all thank the history channel for showing it one summer night :) I look forward to reading your stories

And I will get around to reading everyone else's stories soon but I need time to finish this and work on the sequel

- kbf28


	11. Reverse this Curse

Alexander repeated his question again. Hephaestion stuttered, afraid of the King. Hephaestion wished that Alexander could remain reasonable for longer then two minutes at a time.

**A withered past and a blurry future,**

**My hearts on an auction,**

**It goes out to the highest bid**

"Well do you?" He asked, anger radiating from every word. Alexander hated the idea of sharing the two of them. It made his blood boil to dangerously high temperatures.

**I live to fast, and I know I will lose her,**

**But there is an option; to die is to live in her head**

"What d-do you m-mean." Hephaestion asked, truly scared at this point. Scared for him but also for Roxana. After all, this is what she had to deal with after ever disappointment they encountered on the campaign. Hephaestion realized this was a side of his lover he had never seen. Or, one he just never chose to see.

**So I'll hang on, never let go.**

**I dug this pain into my chest.**

"What do I mean? You are only supposed to love me!"

**It's dead**

**One last chance to reverse this curse,**

**You stole my heart but I had it first.**

**And now I see you've got something to prove,**

**And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.**

"So you are allowed to make those kind of decisions for me now?" Hephaestion challenged.

**A deadly wish but it should've come sooner,**

**A corpse in a funeral that I would never attend.**

**There is a light on in the back of this house,**

**But you're not around; to die is to live in her head**

"You love her?"

**So I'll hang on, never let go.**

**I dug this pain into my chest**

"Yes, as a matter-of-fact I do. Probably because she doesn't think she has something to prove to the world." Hephaestion said, continuing to challenge him.

**I****t's dead**

**One last chance to reverse this curse,**

**You stole my heart but I had it first.**

**And now I see you've got something to prove,**

**And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.**

"What do you mean? I am king, I have nothing to prove." He said.

**So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love,**

**And to, the girl, that filled my dark.**

"Great. Let us all go home. Stop acting like you need to prove yourself to your mother." Hephaestion said.

**Last night I had the weirdest dream,**

**That you and I drove off the darkest streets,**

**Passing through these city lights,**

**Closure for the kids that died.**

"Well, if you cannot stand my ambition, why do you sleep with me?"

**One last chance to reverse this curse,**

**You stole my heart but I had it first,**

**And now I see you've got something to prove,**

**And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.**

**And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth**

**And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth**

"If you cannot understand my 'love' for Roxana, why do you bother loving me at all?" Hephaestion countered. He said the words that opened the Pandora's box of their relationship.

**So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love.**

**And to, the girl, that filled, my, dark.**

----

Author's note : R'n'R, next chapter up soon :)


	12. Let it Go

They gazed at each other in silence. Hephaestion's words hurt both of them. So all they could both do was stare at each other uncomfortably for a few moments.

**I'm on the verge of a breakdown**

**I'm on the brink of an epic meltdown**

**I'm on the way to a flat line**

**Oh oh yea**

Very rarely had they faced the prospect of breaking up. Why would they? They had almost always been in each other's lives.

**No oh oh**

**I don't really want to leave you behind**

**But apparently you can't stay all mine**

**So I'll try to let you go**

**You're not mine to own**

But now, the scars of their relationship where beginning to show. Alexander's raw ambition. Hephaestion's blinded loyalty. They were not young men anymore. They had grown up. They were supposed to be in Macedonia, married with children. Not out in the middle of nowhere fighting the war Alexander waged against himself.

"Why do I bother" Alexander barely choked out. He felt like Hephaestion had punched him in the stomach. Actually, no. That would have hurt way less.

**If I let it go**

**If I let this go**

**If I let you go**

**Would the scars continue to show**

**If I let it go**

**If I let this go**

**If I let you go**

**Would the scars continue to show**

"Maybe we should take a break." Hephaestion muttered, his eyes downcast. He was doing what Alexander really should have done a long time ago. Alexander shouldn't have been his for this long. He should be Roxana's.

**I'm on the verge of a crackdown**

**I'm freaking out, got a bottle of jack down**

**I'm on my way to a blackout**

**Oh oh yea**

"What do you mean?" Alexander gasped. He couldn't comprehend those simple words. He felt like the only thing keeping him from being swallowed whole by the ground was the fact he was sitting on Bucephalus. He wondered if this is what it feels like to have your world ripped away from you. If this is how Eurydice felt before she was killed, knowing her infant son would be killed after her.

**No oh oh**

**I don't really want to leave you behind**

**But apparently you can't stay all mine**

**So I'll try to let you go**

**You're not mine to own**

"I mean, break up You were able to break it off with Barsine."

**If I let it go**

**If I let this go**

**If I let you go**

**Would the scars continue to show**

**If I let it go**

**If I let this go**

**If I let you go**

**Would the scars continue to show**

"She was different."

**(Finish it Bryan)**

**I'm on the verge of a breakdown**

**I'm on the brink of an epic meltdown**

"How?"

"She isn't you."

**No oh oh**

**I don't really want to leave you behind**

**But apparently you can't stay all mine**

**So I'll try to let you go**

**You're not mine to own**

" I should hope so."

"Why DAMMIT? Why?"

Hephaestion sighed.

**If I let it go**

**If I let this go**

**If I let you go**

**Would the scars continue to show**

"Alexander, do not realize that in another, proper world, you would belong to Roxana and she to you?" Hephaestion said. Alexander stared back at him.

**If I let it go**

**If I let this go**

**If I let you go**

**Would the scars continue to show**

_"And she to you. "_

What in Zeus's name? NO! This was unacceptable. He turned Bucephalus right around and galloped back. Back to Roxana's caravan.

**If I let it go**

**If I let this go**

**If I let you go**

**Would the scars continue to show**

**I'm on the verge of a breakdown**

-----

Song for the last chapter was Reverse this Curse by Escape the Fate. This chapter was Let it Go by Escape the Fate. Sorry that these chapters are so short, I promise they will become longer soon :) as always, please read and review :)


	13. Something

Roxana was sitting in her caravan, bored as usual. Looking out at the landscape as they moved had preoccupied her, but she had stopped when the procession stopped had somewhat less bored her. She had heard yelling from the front, and figured something had jumped out and frightened one of the horses the King and his Companions were riding.

**So now you're running**

**It's hard to see clearly**

**When I make you angry**

**You're stuck in the past**

She had started to fall asleep, when the pounding of hooves was heading towards them. She looked out and saw Alexander being closely followed by Ptolemy. Alexander swung off of Bucephalus, and Ptolemy did the same from his horse.

**And now you're screaming**

**So can you forgive me?**

**I've treated you badly**

**But I am still here**

"Roxana? Get out here! Roxana?" Alexander demanded. Roxana stepped out nervously. She and Ptolemy exchanged nervous looks. They didn't know what he knew.

"Roxana, am I not enough? Do you think I am not enough of a man for you? That my love is inferior?" Alexander asked all to calmly.

**Sometimes I wonder**

**Why I'm still waiting**

**Sometimes I'm shaking**

**That's how you make me**

**Sometimes I question**

**Why I'm still here**

**Sometimes I think I am going crazy**

"What kind of stupid questions are these?" She asked shocked at the allegations he was making. She wondered if Hephaestion had said something. If he had, he better hope she didn't strangle him with her bare hands.

"Do you wish you meant more?" Alexander asked narrowing his eyes as he spat each venomous word out.

**Can you help me understand?**

**And now you wish that you meant something**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

**And now you wish that you met someone**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

"Meant more to you?"

"Yes. Because I know you said something to Hephaestion, and I do not know what is going on with you two, but I will find out." Alexander said through his teeth.

**Something to somebody else**

**Something to somebody else**

"Is that a threat?" Roxana asked, her eyes burning. Ptolemy whimpered a bit, but no one noticed.

"It doesn't have to be if you tell me everything right now."

**You look at me through clouded eyes**

**I know you see through my lies**

**See the sky see the stars**

**All of this could be ours**

**Out of sight, out of mind**

**We've been through this a thousand times**

**Turn your back and then you make me feel so crazy**

"I have nothing to say."

**Can you help me understand?**

**And now you wish that you meant something**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

**And now you wish that you met someone**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

"Fine, let me ask you a much more direct question. Are you and Hephaestion together?" He asked.

**You know I would wait forever**

**Yes, I would wait (I would wait)**

Roxana stopped breathing for a few seconds. Alexander's eyes drilled holes into her. She did not know what to say. She needed to know what Hephaestion had told him. She saw Ptolemy's grey mare. She walked over, and vaulted onto the mare. The mare kicked it into high gear towards the front of the procession.

**Can you help me understand?**

**And now you wish that you meant something**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

**And now you wish that you met someone**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

Ptolemy and Alexander simply watched as Roxana galloped off. Alexander remounted Bucephalus. For a few moments, he looked like he wanted to cry. Then, he took a deep breath and galloped down the rest of the procession to see if they were all right and that they would make camp here.

**You know I would wait forever**

**Yes, I would wait (I would wait)**

**You know I would wait forever**

**Yes, I would wait**

" Hey! Alexander, you can't leave me like this! C'mon…" Ptolemy said, before he decided to walk back up the procession to where his tent was.

**And now you wish that you meant something**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

**And now you wish that you met someone**

**And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

Alexander had decided to take Roxana's quick retreat as a "Yes" to his last question.

And I'm the one that should mean something

**But still you wish that you meant something to somebody else**

**Something to somebody else, something to somebody else.**

------

Author's note : this chapter : Something- Escape the Fate

Read and review please :D


	14. Mr Brightside

Alexander was in his tent, drinking more wine then he should and massaging his temples. He had spent the last few hours barking orders in between huge gulps of wine. His muscles ached and for the first time in a long time, he wanted to go home. It did not help that Hephaestion and Roxana were avoiding him at all costs. He could use someone to lean on right now.

**I'm coming out of my cage**

**And I've been doing just fine**

**Gotta gotta be down**

**Because I want it all**

**It started out with a kiss**

**How did it end up like this?**

**It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss**

He realized that was probably why they were so close. He was never there. He was a bad lover, and an even worse friend to them. He hadn't meant to be. He loved them both. He would give anything for them to look him in the eye once more.

**Now I'm falling asleep**

**And she's calling a cab**

**While he's having a smoke**

**And she's taking a drag**

**Now they're going to bed**

**And my stomach is sick**

**And it's all in my head**

**But she's touching his chest**

**Now, he takes off her dress**

**Now, letting me go**

He had left them only with each other. He couldn't blame them for the sex they were probably having. He didn't like it, but he had given up his say when he stopped visiting their tents. If he could take it all back, he would. But he couldn't. Not now or probably ever. Hephaestion made it clear that Roxana needed to be pregnant before he would even consider taking him back. And Roxana wouldn't really want him. She had Hephaestion now.

**And I just can't look - it's killing me**

**And taking control**

**Jealousy, turning saints into the sea**

**Turning through sick lullabies**

**Choking on your alibis**

**But it's just the price I pay**

**Destiny is calling me**

**Open up my eager eyes**

**'Cause I'm Mr Brightside**

So, what could he do? Should he execute them both? No he loved them too much. Also, everyone except Cassander would hate him exponentially more. Simply because Cassander loathed the Athenian whelp and barbarian wench more then he hated not having as much power as he would like.

**I'm coming out of my cage**

**And I've been doing just fine**

**Gotta gotta be down**

**Because I want it all**

**It started out with a kiss**

**How did it end up like this?**

**It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss**

Or, Alexander could try and be reasonable. Roxana and Hephaestion had never directly admitted anything worse then friendship. He had no proof. He knew, in his heart that they loved each other. So he would compromise. As long as he ignored it, as long as the only proof was palace gossip and rumored nights he wouldn't have to do anything.

**Now I'm falling asleep**

**And she's calling a cab**

**While he's having a smoke**

**And she's taking a drag**

**Now they're going to bed**

**And my stomach is sick**

**And it's all in my head**

**But she's touching his chest**

**Now, he takes off her dress**

**Now, letting me go**

No one could make him hurt him or her. From now on, he would do all he could to never hurt them again. And if that meant ignoring their love, he would do it. He had lost his Phae, but he wasn't too late for Roxana. He had to prove his worth. He would give her an heir. Or, if Hephaestion beat him to it, he would treat that boy like his own son. For that child would share the blood of the two people he loved most. He would protect that child from all harm. No one would touch him and live long enough to take another breath.

**'Cause I just can't look - it's killing me**

**And taking control**

**Jealousy, turning saints into the sea**

**Turning through sick lullabies**

**Choking on your alibis**

**But it's just the price I pay**

**Destiny is calling me**

**Open up my eager eyes**

**'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside**

He was doing just damn fine. He pushed all the sick images of Hephaestion and Roxana from his mind. He took a long sip of wine, and shook his head. He had an empire to run.

**I never...**

**I never...**

**I never...**

**I never...**

---

Author's note : SONG is Mr Brightside by the Killers

I will hopefull have two more chapters up tonight after this :) please review, one or two chapters up tommorrow night

looking forward to your comments :D


	15. Saying Sorry

Roxana, unsure of where she should go that night, went to the horses. She owed Ptolemy's grey mare, Ari, Castor and Bucephalus each a long bush, carrying those lumps around at such a fast pace. She stroked Ari's neck. The mare really wasn't cut out to be a warhorse. She was too delicate in stature, to pretty for the horrors of war. Roxana made a mental note to ask Alexander to get a Ptolemy a proper warhorse, preferably a stallion or a gelding. Philotas's old horse was a good candidate.

**These colors will not change, you change the way I see them**

**These words will fade when you explain why you hate them**

**We are the same, oh**

She was busy grooming the mare, so she did not notice when Alexander came up behind her.

**She keeps repeating "I bet she needed"**

**She says she's right here, she seems so distant**

**Saying goodbye this time the same old story**

**Seeing you cry it makes me feel like saying sorry**

"Boo." He said. She jumped, and then turned to face him.

"Alexander! I am so sorry," She said, " I am not sleeping with Hephaestion. I love him as a dear friend and-" Alexander was not about to let her continue. He had come here to apologize and put it behind him. Behind them.

**Just a few last hours we gotta make this count**

**We're counting backwards**

"Sssh. I was foolish I made a rash decision. " He said, wrapping his arms around her.

"I am so sorry you ever doubted me." She said, tearing up slightly.

"Well, my night is free, we still don't have and heir." He said smiling mischievously. She smiled back. If he actually wanted her tonight, who was she to complain.

**(Just a few last hours, we gotta make this count)**

**We're falling forward**

Her thoughts trailed to Hephaestion, but she pushed them away. She was married to Alexander. She was responsible for Alexander. Hephaestion understood that.

**She keeps repeating "I bet she needed"**

**She says she's right here, she seems so distant**

**Saying goodbye this time, the same old story**

**Seeing you cry it makes me say like saying sorry**

Alexander leaned down to whisper into Roxana's ear.

"Go to my tent. I need to tend to Bucephalus for a few moments." He whispered, causing her to smile demurely.

"I promise you, I am not lying about Hephaestion." She said, before leaving.

**Saying sorry, we've fallen apart**

**Wish we knew this from the start**

**Saying goodbyes the hardest part**

**Wish we knew this from the start**

Alexander turned to Bucephalus, when he was sure she was out of earshot.

"We know better, don't we big guy?" He said, before picking up a brush.

**Saying goodbye this time, the same old story**

**Seeing you cry it makes me feel like saying sorry**

---

Saying Sorry- Hawthorne Heights

r 'n' r :D


	16. Harder Then You know

Hephaestion lay on his bed, staring out at the cloth ceiling. His tent could not contain his sorrow. He regretted everything he said. Breaking it off with Alexander was the right thing, but it felt like he had amputated his right arm.

**You said this could only get better**

**There's no rush 'cause we have each other**

**You said this would last forever**

**But now I doubt if I was your only lover**

**Are we just lost in time?**

**I wonder if your love's the same**

**'Cause I'm not over you**

**Baby, don't talk to me**

**I'm trying to let go**

**Not loving you is harder than you know**

**'Cause girl you're driving me so crazy**

He knew he had done right by Alexander. He had to choose between Alexander and Roxana. He chose Roxana. Roxana had time for him. She was new, exciting. He had done what he thought was best for everyone. It doesn't mean it didn't crush him. He was like Atlas, who held the world. Hephaestion had endured the weight of Alexander's world for far to long.

**How can I miss you if you never would stay?**

**If you need time I guess I'll go away (I'll go away)**

**Inside me now there's only heartache and pain**

**So where's the fire, you've begun the rain**

**Are we just lost in time?**

**I wonder if your love's the same**

**'Cause I'm not over you**

**Now, he was free to pursue Roxana. All he needed to do was to let go. Open his heart, and let Alexander be free.**

**Baby, don't talk to me**

**I'm trying to let go**

**Not loving you is harder than you know**

**Girl you're driving me so crazy**

**And if you don't want me than**

**I guess I'll have to go (I guess I'll have to go)**

**Not loving you is harder than you know**

**(Yeah)**

**So I'll make the call**

**And I'll leave today**

**I'm gonna miss you 'cause I love you baby**

**Yeah, I'll make the call**

**I'm leaving today**

**And leaving always drives me crazy**

**Roxana had left Alexander's tent while he slept. She wanted to go on a walk, clear her head. She went to go to Hephaestion's tent. She opened the flap and entered.**

**Leaving always drives me crazy**

**Baby, don't talk to me**

**I'm trying to let go**

**Not loving you is harder than you know**

**(Yeah)**

She saw Hephaestion, who was close to crying, on his bed. When he saw her, he sat up. She walked over to him, and sat on his bed beside him. She took his hand in her hand, and he leaned his head onto her shoulder.

B**aby, don't talk to me**

**I'm trying to let go (I'm trying to let go)**

**Not loving you is harder than you know**

**'Cause girl you're driving me so crazy**

"Are you okay?" She asked him, running her free hand through his hair.

"No. actually I am not okay." He said trying to smile through his tears, which had begun the race down his cheek.

"Would you like to talk about it? She asked quietly, rubbing her thumb over his calloused hand.

"No, I just need you here." He said, right before his tears started again. She rocked back and forth, moving her hand from his hair to around his waist.

**And if you don't want me than**

**I guess I'll have to go (I guess I'll have to go)**

**Not loving you is harder than you know**

**Girl you're driving me so crazy**

She began crying too. Because this was all her fault. She had hurt the two men she loved the most. She cried, he cried. The cried in each others' arms. Eventually, they both fell asleep. Sleep found them or they found sleep in the comfort of each other's arms. They avoided the real world for a little but longer.

**Baby, don't talk to me**

**I'm trying to let go**

**Not loving you is harder than you know**

**Girl you're driving me so crazy**


	17. A Lack of Color

Alexander felt so alone. He woke up after Roxana left. He knew where she was. The only thing he had to make him feel better was wine. But he knew it would taste bitter. It wouldn't take him back home. It would never set things right.

**And when i see you**

**I really see you upside down**

**But my brain knows better**

**It picks you up and turns you around**

**Turns you around, turns you around**

He couldn't blame Roxana for leaving. What viable reason had he given her to stay? That he needed an heir? All that could convince a woman of was that she was just a useless baby factory. But she meant so much more to him then that.

If he could say all the things he felt for her without sounding like a wuss, he would. He would say them over and over again. Until he lost his voice. Then he would write them , over and over again. She reminded him of home. Of the side of his mother no one but he was allowed to see. If Roxana told him to conquer the world, he would. If she told him to jump off a cliff, he would.

**If you feel discouraged**

**That there's a lack of color here**

**Please don't worry lover**

**It's really bursting at the seams**

**For absorbing everything**

**The spectrum's a to z**

But he had never verbalized any of this to her because Hephaestion had over shadowed everything else for so long. For Hephaestion, he would do everything he would do for Roxana times ten. He would dive down to the ocean floor to search for Atlantis. He would drink the most vile concoctions for Hephaestion.

But never verbalized any of this either. So here he was, alone. Alone with a lot of alcohol he had no interest in consuming. For a brief second, he considered going to Hephaestion's tent. Seeing them and yell and scream. But he wouldn't because that would make him look like a petulant child.

**This is fact not fiction**

**For the first time in years**

**all the girls in every girlie magazine**

**Can't make me feel any less alone**

**I'm reaching for the phone**

It wasn't their fault hat they gave each other reasons to stay. He doubted Hephaestion could forgive him ever. But he could still try and pull himself together for Roxana. She hadn't slipped away from him yet. And the moment Hephaestion hurt her, Alexander would not hesitate to hurt him. Then he would verbalize everything he felt for Roxana to her. Then she would stay the whole night, in his arms.

Until then, he would settle for second. Settle for their sakes.

**To call at 7:03 **_**[and]**_** on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home**

**But i know it's too late**

**I should have given you a reason to stay**

**Given you a reason to stay**

**Given you a reason to stay**

**Given you a reason to stay**

**This is fact not fiction**

**For the first time in years**

-----

Heyyy Everyone :) Guess what? CHAPTERS ARE GOING TO GET LONGER THEN THE SONGS AGAIN :) YAY!!!! So, anyway, I would love a few reviews about the last few chapters, just to see if people are interested/ their hypothesis's on what will happen :P C'mon, take a guess. You know you want to :) As always, read and review :D


	18. I Will Be

Over the next month, a lot of things changed. Ptolemy got a new warhorse named Atlas and offered Roxana lessons and Ari. He mentioned it in one meeting, and sent Roxana the minutes the scribes had been writing.

Minutes:

Ptolemy: I'm gonna teach your wife how to ride a horse!!

Alexander: You can't be serious.

Ptolemy: And why NOT?

Cassander: Yes, that is exactly what I was going to say. At least this way if she dies, we can honestly tell her father it was an accident.

Hephaestion: Cassander, do us all a favor and drown.

Alexander: Ptolemy, why do you think you should teach her how to ride?

Ptolemy: It's a useful skill to have.

Neachus: Yes, because she is going to ride into battle any day now! –Sarcastic-

Cassander: That is a creative way to kill her, I must admit…

King/Generals: We are NOT killing Roxana.

Cassander: But she is a whiney barbarian wench and we all hate her!

Peridiccas: What did she ever do to you? Have a nicer ass or something?

Alexander: Do we have to talk about my wife's ass?

Cassander: Do we have to keep said wife alive?

Hephaestion: Does it have to be illegal to kill Cassander?

Ptolemy: Can I teach Roxana how to ride?

Alexander/ Hephaestion: NO!

Neachus: She is young, and I am sure Alexander can agree with us that she is flexible …

Ptolemy: But Ari is such a girl horse!

Cassander: Because she is a mare, dumb ass.

Hephaestion: That mare is too flighty.

Ptolemy: And HOW many times has Castor dumped you on your ass?

Alexander: But Roxana is a GIRL. She can break bones, or bruise or DIE.

Cassander: Don't tell me the empire is controlled from between her thighs now. –Horrified-

E'one: SHUT UP CASSANDER.

Roxana would have read the rest, but she had a feeling it would be more of Cassander whining about her and lots of swearing. And besides, their meetings wee the definition of boring, unless Alexander tried to strangle something or they caught a page and a servant girl under the table or something.

**There's nothing I can say to you**

**Nothing I could ever do to make you see**

**What you mean to me**

**All the pain the tears they cry**

**Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you'd go**

**I know I let you down but its not like that now**

**This time I'll never let you go**

She felt very distant from Alexander recently. Hephaestion was still dogging her incessantly with his requests. She wondered if Alexander knew about the whole Hephaestion thing. She called for a scribe. All the generals taught her was the Greek alphabet, but she wasn't a very good writer and had a limited knowledge of words she could spell correctly.

**I will be all that you want and get my self together**

**Cause you keep me from falling apart**

**All my life I'll be with you forever**

**To get you through the day and make every thing OK**

She called a scribe. She decided to make her first awkward attempt at a love letter. When the scribe arrived, she began to dictate her letter.

Dearest Alexander,

It has been awhile. Ptolemy sent me the minutes from the meeting. I would love to learn to ride Ari, she is a woman's horse and you know it. Also, tell Cassander that he shouldn't be so blatantly obvious that he is planning to kill me.

**I thought that I had every thing I didn't know what life could bring**

**But now I see honestly**

**You're the one thing I got right**

**The only one I let inside**

**Now I can breathe cause your here with me**

**And if I let you down I'll turn it all around**

**Cause I would never let you go**

Anyway, how should I phrase my first love letter? Yes, I know you are probably laughing as you read this, probably thinking all girls write love letters at an early age. But I didn't because I preferred drawing and dancing. Anyways, now I am going to focus on this letter.

I really like Bucephalus. He reminds me of you. Strong, stubborn. Shorter then most.

**I will be all that you want and get my self together**

**Cause you keep me from falling apart**

**All my life I'll be with you forever**

**To get you through the day and make every thing OK**

Anyway, my top three parts of your body are you eyes, arms and where your neck meets your shoulder.

Your eyes because they are different. They are two different sides of your shoulder. The brown eye shows your softer side, the side I personally favor. Your blue eye shows your intense side, the side that is tough. The spirit of a King.

**Cause with out you I can't sleep**

**I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave**

**You're all I got**

**You're all I want**

**Yeah**

**And with out you I don't know what I'll do**

**I could never ever live a day with out you**

**Here with me do you see your all I need**

Your arms, because when I am in them, I feel safe. I feel comforted. Like I am not alone. I am warm and happy there. I am invincible in them. No one can touch me, because you will not let him or her.

Where your neck meets your shoulder. It is the perfect place to kiss or rest my head after a long day or cry into. This area comforts me. Your smell is most potent here.

**And I will be all that you want and get myself together**

**Cause you keep me from falling apart**

**All my life (my life) I will be with you forever**

**To get you through the day and make every thing OK**

So which areas of my body is your top 3? You are welcome to be immature. I chose not to, because a scribe is writing this.

I love you. I love you. I. Love. You. I will be what ever and who ever you want me to be. I have noticed we have grown apart recently. If this is about Hephaestion, I only love him as a friend and nothing more. Nothing is going on behind your back. My love for him is a pebble, compared to my love for you, which is a boulder.

Forever yours, Roxana.

I** will be (I'll be) all that you want and get my self together**

**Cause you keep me from falling apart**

**And all my life you know I will be with you forever**

**To get you through the day and make every thing OKI will be (I'll be) all that you want and get my self together**

**Cause you keep me from falling apart**

**And all my life you know I will be with you forever**

**To get you through the day and make every thing OK**

**

* * *

**

Hey everybody :) sorry that it took so long to make a post lol today was busy :) and i was writing this really intense chapter.

delos13- lol yeah i figured that was Alexander's cure for everything :P aha yes, i love writing those lines wouldn't you know? :P Yeah , the funny thing is I am quite the Alexander Roxana shipper aha I always liked them together :) i THOUGHT they were kinda adorable together :D I think Hephaestion and Roxana are some what far fetched, but it would have happened under the right circumstance. Thnaks for the kind review and best to you too :)

Once again everybody thanks for these great reviews it really is a huge pick me up and motivation to keep typing (and risk karpal tunnel syndrome lol)


	19. With Me

Alexander smiled as he read the awkward love letter. It was cute, in an awkward sort of way. He wondered if maybe she was losing faith in him, because he hadn't been around in awhile. She was right that he was suspicious. He began to write is own letter, but then came up with a better plan. He got up and snuck out to her tent, where she was half asleep. He put his finger to his lips, to show her to be quiet.

**I don't want this moment**

**To ever end**

**Where everything's nothing, without you**

**I'd wait here forever just to,**

**To see you smile**

**'Cause it's true**

**I am nothing without you**

He then lit a candle, because he really had no interest in tripping and breaking his ankle on a big night like tonight. She got up and walked over to him.

**Through it all**

**I've made my mistakes**

**I stumble and fall**

**But I mean these words**

"Roxana, I am going to tell you my top three favorite parts of your body. You can't speak until I am finished." He whispered, smiling. Roxana smiled sleepily.

**I want you to know**

**With everything, I won't let this go**

**These words are my heart and soul**

**I'll hold onto this moment you know**

**As I'll bleed my heart out to show**

**And I won't let go**

"Number one has got to be your hands." He said, holding them, "Because when they are in mine, everything is good. I don't need to think of wars or armies or anything bad. Your hands are soft and delicate. They make me want to think of happier things, happier times."

**Thoughts read unspoken**

**Forever in vow**

**And pieces of memories**

**Fall to the ground**

**I know what I didn't have so**

**I won't let this go**

**'Cause it's true**

**I am nothing without you**

"Number two is your skin. It is really soft and quite interesting, actually. For example, the skin on your stomach is soft. Some of the softest on your body, actually. But, the skin on your neck is much more sensitive. Your skin isn't to dark or light. It is just the right shade." He said. Roxana was smiling at him. He knew he was making her feel good and wanted. Like how her incredibly awkward love letter made him feel.

**All the streets,**

**where I walked alone**

**With nowhere to go**

**Have come to an end**

"Last, but not least. My third favorite part of your body is your hair. It smells amazing. I want to wake up to it as often as I can. Your hair smells like home. I don't know how, you have never been to Pella, but your hair smells like it. It smells like the home I want our children to have.," He said , "I am finished, you can speak now."

**In front of your eyes**

**It falls from the skies**

**When you don't know what you're looking to find**

**In front of your eyes**

**It falls from the skies**

**When you just never know what you will find**

**What you will find**

**What you will find**

**What you will find**

**What you will find**

He had barely finished when Roxana kissed him. He kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

**I don't want this moment**

**To ever end**

**Where everything's nothing, without you**

"So, what are we going to do?" He asked, smiling suggestively.

"Well, now that you are finished validating me, we can do whatever you want." She said.

"I want you." He said kissing her forehead.

"I love you." Roxana said.

"Don't ever let me go." Alexander said, pressing his forehead to hers.

"Okay then, I'll go get a cage." She said, smiling. He laughed.

"Maybe not that extreme." He whispered.

**I want you to know**

**With everything, I won't let this go**

**These words are my heart and soul**

**I'll hold onto this moment you know**

**As I'll bleed my heart out to show**

**And I won't let go**

Roxana kissed his lips again. He responded, eagerly playing with her robes. Soon, pretty much everything they had been wearing was on the floor, they in her bed. I'm not going into detail, but they enjoyed themselves. A spark turned to ember, ember to flame, flame to fire, fire to blaze. And now, this time Ptolemy did not light his tent on fire in drunken stupor.

**I want you to know**

**With everything, I won't let this go**

**These words are my heart and soul**

**I'll hold onto this moment you know**

**As I'll bleed my heart out to show**

**And I won't let go**

-------

Author's note: I know this chapter is a quick read, but i decided to spare you some serious A/R fluff :) -basks in glow of halo- So anyway, I have decided to have a 'poll'.

I basically want to know that **_in this story......_**

Which couple are you shipping for? Do you have any couples you would like to happen (other then H/A lol that is dead and buried in this story) I have some suggestions:

Alexander and Roxana, after all, they ARE married

Hephaestion and Roxana , he would make her such a good person :) and he is waaay hotter then alexander :P

Meh, Roxana is a whore, she probs sleeps with all the generals.

Roxana and Ptolemy, you can just tell they are gonna have drunk sex.

Cassander and Roxana. They would have the most hilarious hate/love relationship!

Have you noticed how Cassander and Ptolemy are joined at the hip?

Um..uh...PARMENION AND THE MAID

Statiera/Barsine/Roxana love triangle...(lol i am joking guys, I make them hate each other in this version -laughs evilly-)

Ok guys, so leave your answers in the reviews, please leave a review, i'LL TRY AND GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP SOON :)


	20. Different Names for the Same Thing

Cassander and Hephaestion were sitting across from each other. It was breakfast, and they were silent through the whole meal. Alexander walked in, all bright and cheery. Both Cassander and Hephaestion wanted to throw up, but for different reasons.

"Don't tell me you slept with her." Cassander said in a horrified tone.

"Is it really any of your business?" Alexander asked with a smile.

"When it involves whether or not I can keep my breakfast down." Cassander replied. Hephaestion gave Alexander a cold glare and stormed off.

"What's wrong with him?" Cassander asked. Alexander shrugged his shoulders. It did not involve him anymore.

"The sleeping arrangement changed?" Cassander asked.

"Yes." Alexander said.

**Alone on a train aimless in wonder**

**An outdated map crumbled in my pocket**

**But I didn't care where I was going**

**'Cause they're all different names for the same place**

Roxana was content as she lay in her bed, sleeping last night off. Hephaestion barged in, and gently shook Roxana awake.

"Roxana?" He asked gently. She nodded her head slowly.

"Can we talk? Or should I leave?" He asked.

"No, we haven't had a proper conversation in awhile." Roxana said, smiling. Hephaestion felt the butterflies in his stomach flying complicated maneuvers.

"It's only been two days."

"I missed you Phae." She said.

"How was last night?" He asked. She gave him a look.

"It was good. But I don't think you came here just to talk about whether or not Alexander and I had sex last night." Roxana said, sitting up, with the blanket around her.

"You realize Alexander and Hephaestion are only different names for the same thing." He said.

"What do you mean?" She asked out of curiosity.

"I mean you love us both. We are different names for your love," he said. She swallowed.

"Please don't tell me you are trying to win my love still. Remember last time? Which was two days ago." She said. He winced. Last time had involved Ptolemy, a tent, wine and 2 am.

**The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun**

**And I knew no words to share with anyone**

**The boundaries of language I quietly cursed**

**And all the different names for the same thing**

"Don't worry, I couldn't forget, even if I tried." He said.

"So, how do you plan to woo me this time?" She asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"It certainly will not involve Ptolemy, wine and fire all together in a five mile radius." Hephaestion replied, trying to make a joke out of the ordeal of last time.

"Well, that is good to hear." She said with a smile.

"So, back to the topic of me 'wooing' you." He said.

"Hephaestion." She groaned. Ever since that sex from a few weeks ago, he dogged her with his professions of love. She loved, oh God, she definitely still loved him, but they had responsibilities. He had Drypetsis. She had Alexander. Shouldn't he be trying with Roxana to do right by them all, instead of working against her?

"I am not going to woo you here." Hephaestion said.

"Not here? You mean, as in somewhere else?" She asked, curious despite herself.

"Yes. It is too close to everyone else here." He said. He didn't want to think of the shit they would be in if they were caught.

"Fine, you have sparked my interest." She said. It was true. And besides, looking back at the last incident it had been enormously entertaining.

"I am glad. Meet me at the secret place." He said, winking. Where it all started. The end of innocence began there.

"Okay, when exactly?" She asked. Hephaestion thought for a moment. Roxana made a quick mental top three of his body: arms, eyes and hands. She realized her list was almost the same as her's was for Alexander. Hephaestion interrupted her.

"Middle of the night. Ari knows the way and I will leave a trail." He said as her eyes widened.

"I have to ride there by myself?" She asked. He nodded and got up to leave her tent.

**There are different names for the same things**

**There are different names for the same things...**

**

* * *

**

**Author's note: Hey guys :) so I hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry about the change of speed, I am just trying to finish writing the story and start thee sequel :) **

**Please review and answer the question, I know it may seem like a chore but I would like to know how everyone feels about how the story is going :)**

Which couple are you shipping for? Do you have any couples you would like to happen (other then H/A lol that is dead and buried in this story and I already know most f you are H/A shippers) I have some suggestions:

Alexander and Roxana, after all, they ARE married

Hephaestion and Roxana , he would make her such a good person :) and he is waaay hotter then alexander :P

Meh, Roxana is a whore, she probs sleeps with all the generals.

Roxana and Ptolemy, you can just tell they are gonna have drunk sex.

Cassander and Roxana. They would have the most hilarious hate/love relationship!

Have you noticed how Cassander and Ptolemy are joined at the hip?

Um..uh...PARMENION AND THE MAID

Statiera/Barsine/Roxana love triangle...(lol i am joking guys, I make them hate each other in this version -laughs evilly-)

Ok guys, so leave your answers in the reviews, please leave a review, i'LL TRY AND GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP SOON :)


	21. Getting into You

Roxana had managed to find the clearing in the dark. Hephaestion had cleared a trail for her. She dismounted, and tied Ari to a tree beside Castor.

**When I made up my mind**

**And my heart along with that**

**To live not for myself**

**But yet for God, somebody said**

**Do you know what you are getting yourself into**

"Hephaestion?" She called out into the dark.

"Hey Roxana, I a just starting a fire." Hephaestion shouted from the middle of the clearing. Soon, a fire erupted from the center, providing light. She walked over to him as he stood up.

**When I finally ironed out**

**All of my priorities**

**And asked God to remove the doubt**

**That makes me so unsure of these**

**Things I ask myself, I ask myself**

**Do you know what you are getting yourself into**

"So, is Ptolemy going to jump out of the bushes again?" She teased/

"Please don't remind me." He said, hugging her around her waist.

"So, how will you convince me?" She asked, curious.

"I don't need to convince you of anything."

**I'm getting into you**

**Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe**

**I'm getting into you**

**Because I've got to be**

**You're essential to survive**

**I'm going to love you with my life**

"Reverse psychology?"

"Nope. We have already admitted we love each other. I just need to warn you of the costs." He said.

"Cost of what?" She asked, confused slightly.

"The cost of loving each other." He said, "You are not allowed to speak until I am finished."

**When he looked at me and said**

**I kind of view you as a son**

**And for a second our eyes met**

**And I met that with a question**

**Do you know what you are getting yourself into**

"Cost number one is the General's trust. They will lose faith in Alexander, because he refuses to acknowledge it. But, more importantly, for any child that comes out of that womb of yours, they will have reasonable doubt that he or she may not be Alexander's heir. They will question the child's legitimacy and when Alexander dies, they may try to use that against the child and seize the throne for themselves."

**I'm getting into you**

**Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe**

**I'm getting into you**

**Because I've got to be**

**You're essential to survive**

**I'm going to love you with my life**

"Cost number two is Alexander's trust. He will be convinced that whenever he cannot see at least one of us that we are together. I am his best friend, I know him well. Even though he no longer talks to me about private matters, I see it in his eyes. The thought of us being together will eat away at him. Erode his self-esteem. He will put on a brave face, but inside he will be crumbling. But thankfully, you are probably enough to put him back together."

**I've been a liar and I'll never amount to**

**The kind of person you deserve to worship you**

**You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do you say**

**I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into**

"Cost number three is monogamy. I will never be officially yours on paper, as you will never be mine on paper. I have to sleep with Drypetsis, you with Alexander. Facts of life. But it will get confusing trying to remember who belongs to whom. Monogamy is simple. One plus one equals two. We are not free to publically express our love. You deserve so much more." He finished and Roxana did not talk. She didn't need to.

**I'm getting into you**

**Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe**

**I'm getting into you**

**Because I've got to be**

**You're essential to survive**

**I'm going to love you with my life**

She kissed him, pulled back and smiled.

"Well there is one benefit. We love each other." She said, smiling. She brushed a few stray hairs behind his ear.

**He said, I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into**

**

* * *

Aha H/R fluff :) another chapter up soon**


	22. Ashely

Hephaestion led Roxana to the sort of 'bed' he had made. A blanket on top of the ground and a blanket over that for them to lie under. He kissed her deeply, meaningfully. She kissed back, as his arms wrapped around her waist, bringing her closer. But not close enough for either of them. She pulled at his chitin, tugging like how one tugs on a leash. Not a lot of force but enough to get the message across.

**Shadows fall on yesterday**

**It's like time just slips away,**

**I'm nothing, darkness follows me**

**The dawning never shows its head**

**I'm left dying here instead with nothing**

**A lock without a key**

As he pulled his clothes off, he noticed the hickey on Roxana's neck. It meant Alexander had been there. Once they were appropriately 'un-attired', they lay down on this crude version of a bed. The evening became quite possibly even MORE cliché when the 'forbidden' couple made love under the stars.

**Like the brightest star, you shine through**

After they finished, they lay beside each other under the surprisingly thick blanket. Hephaestion lay on his back, looking up at the starts.

**Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive**

**I've got purpose once again (Yeah, yeah)**

**Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive**

**I've got purpose once again (Yeah, yeah)**

**(I've got purpose once again)**

"Name your top three." Roxana said.

"My top three what?" Hephaestion asked, confused.

"Top three parts of my body and tell me why you like them. Then I will give you my top three parts of your body." She said. Hephaestion thought for a moment, then he spoke.

**If looks could kill you'd be the one**

**That takes my world and makes me numb**

**I'm nothing, without you I can't breathe (I can't breathe)**

**And as the sunlight burns the sky**

**I see through my obsessive eyes**

**I'm nothing, without you I can't see**

"My number one spot goes to your lips. They are one of the first features of yours that I noticed. They make kissing pretty enjoyable, I must say. But the words that come from them are so intelligent sometimes. I then have to try and remember it is you that is saying them." He teased.

**Like the brightest star, you shine through**

"My number two spot goes to your arms. When you hold me in them, they are safe and secure but gentle. What every potential mother should have. Even if you are not the biological mother of my children, I want them to be held by you. Secure, safe arms."

A**shley baby, You make me feel so alive**

**I've got purpose once again (Yeah, yeah)**

**Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive**

**I've got purpose once again (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)**

"My third favorite part of your body is your neck. Very sensitive, which is great for kissing. And hickeys. And it is one of the easiest places to smell you and not him. Him as in your husband. Him as in the man I am extremely jealous of right now." He said.

Y**ou're the strength I need to fight,**

**You're the reason I still try,**

**I'm the moth and you're the light,**

**Use these wings so I can fly (I can fly)**

"Interesting." She said, tired.

"Tell me your top three." He whispered. She smiled demurely.

"One day." She said, before yawning and going to sleep. One day.

**Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive**

**I've got purpose once again (Yeah, yeah)**

**Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive**

**I've got purpose once again (Yeah, yeah)**

**Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive**

**I've got purpose once again (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)**

**I've got purpose once again**

**I've got purpose once again**

**

* * *

**

Which couple are you shipping for? Do you have any couples you would like to happen (other then H/A lol that is dead and buried in this story and I already know most f you are H/A shippers) I have some suggestions:

Alexander and Roxana, after all, they ARE married

Hephaestion and Roxana , he would make her such a good person :) and he is waaay hotter then alexander :P

Meh, Roxana is a whore, she probs sleeps with all the generals.

Roxana and Ptolemy, you can just tell they are gonna have drunk sex.

Cassander and Roxana. They would have the most hilarious hate/love relationship!

Have you noticed how Cassander and Ptolemy are joined at the hip?

Um..uh...PARMENION AND THE MAID

Statiera/Barsine/Roxana love triangle...(lol i am joking guys, I make them hate each other in this version -laughs evilly-)

Ok guys, so leave your answers in the reviews, please leave a review, i'LL TRY AND GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP SOON :)


	23. Sugar We're Going Down

Weeks had passed since that night. Of course, Roxana and Hephaestion had stolen more moments since. Alexander meanwhile had not had a lot of time for Roxana, and rarely saw her. This did not seem to really diminish his love for her. If anything, he became more over protective then ever. Apparently, he and Hephaestion had decided Roxana's guards were not very competent, especially now that she could ride a horse much faster then the other horses. So during battles, Ptolemy and Cassander got to be her guards. The one instruction was that if word reached them that the king was down, they were to flee with Roxana. The only one who didn't seem to mind was Ptolemy, who actually found the banter between Roxana and Cassander to be entertaining.

**Am I more than you bargained for yet**

**I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear**

**Cause that's just who I am this week**

**Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum**

**I'm just a notch in your bedpost**

**But you're just a line in a song**

**(A notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)**

Roxana tried on several occasions to convince Alexander and Hephaestion that she didn't need to be baby-sat. On more then one of those occasions, they were under her or it was after ex. They never said yes.

**Drop a heart, break a name**

**We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team**

Roxana was sitting in her tent as Alexander walked in with Ptolemy and Cassander. Immediately, she got up and hugged Alexander tightly. He hugged her back with equal enthusiasm. Cassander gave them a disapproving look, while Ptolemy cleared his throat. Alexander released Roxana from his embrace.

**We're going down, down in an earlier round**

**And Sugar, we're going down swinging**

**I'll be your number one with a bullet**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

"Roxana, we are going to look around before we go into battle. Be good for Ptolemy." Alexander said.

"What about me?" Cassander asked. Alexander gave him a blank look for a few seconds.

"Be good for Ptolemy." Alexander said again, before turning to leave the tent. Ptolemy sat down with his bridle in hand, deciding to clean the leather.

"I didn't train to be a soldier for this!" Cassander said bitterly.

"I didn't marry Alexander to listen to this." Roxana replied. Ptolemy hummed the ancient version of 'Yankiedoodle' under his breath as he cleaned the dirty leather.

"All I am doing is baby sitting you!" Cassander spat. He would think of something better later. Soon, Alexander returned with Hephaestion, Peridiccas, Neachus and Crateros.

A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

"Good news boys, tomorrow you get to fight." Alexander said.

"Yes! Thank you!" Cassander said as Ptolemy nodded his head.

"It promises to be a difficult one."

"What do you mean, difficult?" Roxana asked. All the men stopped to look at her, not sure of what to say. Well, except Cassander.

"It means one of will be lucky enough to die and never have to see your face again." Cassander sneered, before Crateros hit him upside his head, muttering "Idiot."

**Is this more than you bargained for yet**

**Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet**

**Wishing to be the friction in your jeans**

**Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him**

**I'm just a notch in your bedpost**

**But you're just a line in a song**

**(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)**

"What? Roxana asked, looking at all of the general's faces. And thinking of the ones who were not there. They were like family, in a strange messed up way. Except Cassander. She would party hard at his funeral. None of the generals looked her in the eye. They had grown fond of her, despite themselves. Except Cassander. He would be flattered to personally execute her, should Alexander need it. He would even hide the body. The generals left, except Hephaestion.

"Roxana, are you okay?" Hephaestion asked, casting Alexander a nervous look. Roxana had grown pale. She sat down, curling into a fetal position. Alexander left to get some water. Hephaestion sat down beside Roxana.

**Drop a heart, break a name**

**We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team**

**We're going down, down in an earlier round**

**And Sugar, we're going down swinging**

**I'll be your number one with a bullet**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

"You know, I don't think Alexander or I are going to die." Hephaestion said.

"What about Ptolemy? Or the others?" Roxana asked.

"I don't know."

**Down, down in an earlier round**

**And Sugar, we're going down swinging**

**I'll be your number one with a bullet**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

That night, Roxana thought of all her stolen moments with Hephaestion, conversations with the Generals, Alexander's love, Cassander's occasional moments of humanity and Ptolemy's jokes.

She thought of secret kisses behind trees with Hephaestion. Their arms and legs intertwined when they had enough time to express their love. Secret letters and smiles delivered by them. Could she survive with out that? He was the most stable person in her life. He always knew how to phrase things and make them seem agreeable to everyone. He was also very attractive, which helped a lot too, but he was just easy to get along with. He is the person that as soon as you met, you would instantly feel like you had known him for years and anyone could confide in him. He protected so many secrets, people often wondered if he was the source of palace gossip. But he wasn't like that he would never sink that low. Years of being the subject of the horrible rumors told, he could never do that to some on else. He was very loyal, sticking up for any acquaintance of his. He tried to believe in the best o people, even though he had often gotten the worst.

**We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)**

**(Down, down in an earlier round)**

**And Sugar, we're going down swinging (Take back what you said)**

**(Down, down in an earlier round)**

**I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)**

**(Down, down in an earlier round)**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

She then thought of all the generals, so brave and strong. How they had learned to accept her, and adjusted to her on occasion. She remembered when Alexander ad told them to give her basic self defense skills, as well as survival. They hadn't been the best teachers, seeing as how they debated over different methods, which confused her already clueless self. Crateros and Peridiccas even told her some Greek myths. Her favorite had always been the one about Pegasus. Peridiccas even whittled her a little statue of Pegasus.

Alexander was one of her favorite thoughts. The name gave her a warm, mushy feeling in her stomach and her spine tingled and she felt euphoric. He was her heroin (as in the drug). He was one of the most screwed people she had ever met. He hated his parents, yet he wanted to please them so much. He contradicted himself on many occasions, and was unstable. He was also curious and bold, and he was the kind of person who became deeply attached to people. She had always had the thought, no matter how much she didn't want to face it, that if Hephaestion or Alexander were to die not at the same time, that Alexander should go first. Hephaestion was more adaptable, while Alexander would pretty much lose his mind if Hephaestion died. In fact, part of Alexander's charm was that he was so.. Weird. His personality combined characteristics that just did not fit. Such as how he was brave enough to conquer the world but had an irrational fear of felines. He was just so messed up; he made you want to be the one to fix him, to hold him together.

**We're going down, down (down, down)**

**Down, down (down, down)**

**We're going down, down (down, down)**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

The one time Cassander had sown any sort of courtesy to her was obviously when his neck was on the chopping block. The rest of the army had gone into a battle, leaving Cassander and Ptolemy to look after Roxana. Ptolemy was giving her a lesson on Ari, until a tree blew in the wind and made a rustling noise. Ari had spooked, and bolted sideways, which unbalanced Roxana. Had Roxana had been a more seasoned rider such as Ptolemy or Cassander she would have been able to sit one the mare with ease. She fell on the ground and hit her forearm with a THWACK. Ptolemy had gone off to get and comfort Ari, while Cassander got up quickly to check on the queen. He picked her up, and asked her if she was ok. She nodded her head and blushed. Partly because of her clumsiness, and also because she had just noticed that Cassander was actually pretty attractive. How ever, Cassander thought the blush was a sign of injury, and yelled at Ptolemy that Alexander and his whelp were going to brutally murder them when thee returned. Long story short, don't blush after you have fallen off a horse in front of Cassander. This was the only encounter she had ever had with Cassander where he had proved he had any sort of 'soul' or 'humanity'. The only time he had come out f his armor to care for anybody in front of her.

Ptolemy was honestly her best friend. He was so much fun to talk to, and was up for any crazy idea she suggested. He gave her advice on everything from what to wear to how to talk to the generals. He was very intuitive, and a way with saying awkward things at the most awkward times. He summed Cassander up as someone who didn't know what to believe and who thirsted for power. He saw Hephaestion as someone who didn't want to be great, but wanted to be loved, to be someone's first priority. He told her Alexander was insecure but bold, and often just needed a friend. Ptolemy was wise and easy to trust. He was likable and had a high tolerance for the strong wine that the generals favored. Roxana always watered her wine down with half a lake.

She could not imagine how she would feel if these people were ripped way from her. Who ever dared better hope she kept their death's relatively quick, seeing as how she had picked various skills from the generals.

**We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)**

**And Sugar, we're going down swinging (Take back what you said)**

**I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

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Author's note : My hand's down favorite chapter to write :) The next one is definately a very close second. The song is Sugar We're Going Down- Fall Out Boy.

PottersMistress6391: Thank you, I was wondering if people liked how I had done my coupling :) Yeah, the last few chapters were hard to add substance too :( I kind of let the lyrics speak out the emotions in the scenes :) Yes, I actually have been trying to get a beta, then I stopped, because I went to camp last week so the story was kind of left to sit for a week ( no I didn't forget anyone :) ) I definately will try to follow your criticism, especially in the following chapters, and sequel :)

Read and Review and the next chapter should be up tomorrow :)


	24. Ohio is for Lovers

Roxana hadn't been able to sleep well that night. She tossed and turned, dreaming of the battle of Porus. She saw soldiers dying and heard screams of the injured and doomed. She heard one phrase over and over ," Conquer your fear, and I promise you, you will conquer death." She couldn't remember who had said it to her, or under what context she had heard it. Eventually, she woke up. She sat up, breathing hard and crying. She heard rustles from the front of her tent. Se also heard voices.

"Should we go in?"

"What if she's sleeping?"

"What's the worse that could happen?

"She could kill us."

"She is barely at your shoulder Cassander."

"We should let her sleep."

In brilliant color, she remembered why she was shaking and sweating from her dream. It hadn't been soldiers being killed and injured. It had been the generals and the king had been saying that mysterious quote over and over. Hearing their voices made her cry with relief. Relief that it had just been some horrible nightmare. She had her head in her hands, sobbing loudly.

**Hey there,**

**I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.**

**Where you are and how you feel.**

**With these lights off as these wheels**

**keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)**

**Slow things down or speed them up.**

**Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...)**

**How are you when I'm gone?**

Meanwhile, outside of the tent, the generals all heard her sobs. They pushed Ptolemy in the tent.

Ptolemy saw Roxana crying into her hands. He walked up to her bed, and sat down beside her.

**And I can't make it on my own.**

**(And I can't make it on my own.)**

**Because my heart is in Ohio.**

**So cut my wrists and black my eyes.**

**(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)**

**So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.**

"Are you okay?" He asked in a worried tone. Hephaestion had told him about the whole cutting thing awhile back and besides he did not like seeing Roxana like this.

"It was just a bad dream." She said, wiping away her tears, " I was just happy to hear all of you alive and well."

"Oh, you had a dream about the battle." Ptolemy said. He now understood why she was so shaken up.

"No, I had a dream about pink butterflies." Roxana said sarcastically trying to change the mood.

"Well, we were arguing on whether or not we should wake you to say good bye because apparently they have all gone soft on me and you have grown on them .. well, except Cassander." Ptolemy said.

"Would I want to grow on Cassander?" Roxana said spitefully.

"Oh, he isn't that bad when you get to know him." Ptolemy said, getting up to fetch the other generals and the king. They all walked in sheepishly except Cassander who looked nervous to be in there.

**Because you kill me.**

**You know you do, you kill me well.**

**You like it too, and I can tell.**

**You never stop until my final breath is gone.**

"Watch it Cassander, my vicious cannibals will jump out and eat you alive if you make a sudden move." Roxana said. Cassander gave her an annoyed look while Hephaestion stifled laughter. Alexander cleared his throat and looked at his generals, waiting for one of them to start first. Everyone looked at Ptolemy.

"Why me? Can't Cassander go first?" Ptolemy said.

"Fine . Bye Roxana, try not to mortally injure yourself sitting on a chair while we are battling." Cassander said.

"Try not to come back without some sort of head damage." She replied. Cassander was about to yell at her when Hephaestion stepped between.

"Good bye Roxana, we'll try to keep Alexander from doing anything to reckless." Hephaestion said, wishing he could say so much more. One by one, all the generals said good bye and left the tent, except for Alexander.

**Spare me just three last words.**

**"I love you" is all she heard.**

**I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.**

**I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.**

"Roxana?" He asked timidly.

"Yes?"

"Will you be alright?"

"Of course." She said, thinking "How can I not be? My husband and lover are going into what is sure to be a bloody battle for a totally pointless reason. How can I not be the emotional equivalent of rainbows and sunshine?"

He sighed to himself, and hugged her. Promising her he would survive. Not like he could guarantee her something like that. He soon left her alone in her tent, at which she promptly jumped on to her bed and sobbed into her pillow like she did when she was a young girl and her father didn't listen to her. One night, he had commented on her appearance and how she was "only pretty enough to be a lowly servant" when he was drunk. He called her many nasty things, and this was what pushed her over the edge. She ran into her room, crying. She tried digging her nails into her palms and banging her head against the wall. Nothing was working this time. She reached for the small dagger her paranoid mother made her keep under her pillow. She took it, and dragged it across her skin. She remembered how good it felt to punish herself for her father's wrongs.

**And I can't make it on my own.**

**(And I can't make it on my own.)**

**Because my heart is in Ohio.**

**So cut my wrists and black my eyes.**

**(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)**

**So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.**

Roxana decided that she wasn't having particularly healthy thoughts and dragged herself out of her bed, deciding to take advantage of the freedom and go on a small ride. It was worth a shot.

She was trotting Ari through the forest. The lean mare weaved her way through the trees with more ease then any of the other horses. They heard shouts up ahead. Roxana's stomach churned as Ari pricked her ears. Roxana knew the battle must be going on up ahead and that going any further was very risky. But on the other hand, they never explicitly said that she was not allowed to see the battle. She just wanted to see if they were okay.

**Because you kill me.**

**You know you do, you kill me well.**

**You like it too, and I can tell.**

**You never stop until my final breath is gone.**

She squeezed Ari into a trot. She halted the mare at he top of a hill. This gave her a full graphic view of the battle. It truly was horrible. Blood and limbs were strewn about the clearing and screams filled the air. But what terrified her the most ere the generals and Alexander's expressions. Their faces were covered in blood and their eyes were wide. They seemed almost euphoric to be fighting. They were like the monsters in the myths she had been told. But this was real life. As the metallic stench of blood filled her nostrils, she wanted to throw up. Her brain had quit processing anything at this point. It had tried to shield itself from the horror of the clearing by not feeling.

Down in the battle, the generals had clumped together on their horses. Ptolemy and Cassander were fighting side by side. As Cassander wielded around to kill another Indian soldier, he saw a flash of gray on the hill to his left. He looked back quickly, and cursed under his breath.

**You know you do, you kill me well.**

**You like it too, and I can tell.**

**You never stop until my final breath is gone.**

"Dammit, Ptolemy the wench showed up." He said, leaning his head to left as he stabbed a guy in the heart. He heard Ptolemy swear loudly. Then , Crateros rode up with soldiers, who sufficiently distracted their attackers.

""You two, the king is down. Get Roxana and run." Crateros muttered.

"Why?" Cassander asked stupidly.

"She has been oddly nice for the past six weeks." Crateros said. Cassander and Ptolemy exchanged glances.

"You think she's pregnant?" Ptolemy said in a serious tone. He thought she would have told him something like that, or maybe he should have noticed.

"Well I don't know, but as of now, that womb is the most important thing in this empire. Take her an run.. Go west, to Macedonia, to Olympias. I'll send a messenger to get you if Alexander is ok." Crateros said, "Now GO!"

**(YOU...KILL...ME...WELL)**

**So cut my wrists and black my eyes.**

**My final breath is gone**

**So I can fall asleep tonight**

The two men turned their horses around and sent them on a strong canter up the hill towards a petrified Roxana.

All Roxana could think, as they rode towards her was that the monsters were coming for her. She turned Ari around and kicked her into gear. Ptolemy and Cassander were monsters to her now. She had seen them kill and gut and maim and mangle. The blood was all over their armor, it's stench filling her nostrils.

Ari was much more agile the Atlas or Cassander's horse Thor. It became increasingly difficult for them to navigate the forest at a high speed and not lose sight of Roxana and Ari.

"Roxana, stop!" Ptolemy called out in frustration. She stopped. The monster was using her Ptolemy's voice. Maybe the monster was gone. Cassander and Ptolemy caught up to her.

"Roxana, what in Apollo's name were you thinking?" Cassander began, starting his rant as he dismounted from Thor.

"I was just wanted to see if you were alright." She said, tears forming in her eyes, "Why did you all look so happy? You looked like monsters."

Ptolemy got off, and went to help her dismount.

**And I can't make it on my own.**

**(And I can't make it on my own.)**

**Because my heart is in Ohio.**

**So cut my wrists and black my eyes.**

**(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)**

**So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.**

**Because you kill me.**

**You know you do, you kill me well.**

**You like it too, and I can tell.**

**You never stop until my final breath is gone.**

"Let's make camp here." He said, as she dismounted slowly.

A few hours later, a fire was going and Cassander had successfully killed a deer and Roxana had found some roots and nuts. Ptolemy had found a steam where he had meticulously cleaned out his helmet. Then he filled it with water and the meat and the roots and nuts and was attempting to make a crude version of soup.

"This is so sad on so many levels." Cassander said in a bored tone as they all sat around the fire.

"What do you usually do after a battle?" Roxana asked, trying to understand the monsters better.

"Drink a lot of alcohol." Cassander said still sounding bored.

"Why do you want to know?" Ptolemy asked to which Roxana muttered a "No reason."

The conversation had quickly took a morbid turn quickly.

"Will Alexander be okay?" Roxana asked. Ptolemy and Cassander were quiet, unable to say for they had no knowledge of the extent of Alexander's injury.

"I he survived hid mother without throwing himself off a cliff, then he can survive this." Ptolemy said.

"What about Hephaestion?" Roxana asked.

"We don't know, I really don't care." Cassander said , " And Ptolemy, I think 'dinner' is ready."

"Appetizing." Roxana said as Ptolemy took a sip and passé it to Cassander. Cassander had his share, and gestured it to Roxana.

"C'mon, take some." Cassander said.

"I wasn't the one who just fought in a huge battle." She replied, wanting to spare herself.

"And I'm not the one who might be pregnant." Cassander replied impatiently. Ptolemy sighed in frustration. Sometimes it was funny to listen to them bicker, but this time it wasn't.

"I am a barren barbarian whore, am I not?" Roxana said, narrowing her eyes.

"I said wench, not whore although the latter would be much more suitable seeing as how you are now sleeping with the Athenian whelp." Cassander said. Roxana gave him an angry look and took a sip and handed the helmet back to him.

"There, consider me fed." She said, turning away from him. Cassander had to admit that she really was cute when she was mad.

In the morning, a page fetched them. He said that the two men were both alive and well and would recover.

"Bucephalus?" Ptolemy asked. The boy shook his head. Roxana swelled with anger at Alexander. Right after she hugged him, she would kick his ass. Zeus knows he needed it.

**(YOU...KILL...ME...WELL)**

**You know you do, you kill me well.**

**You like it too, and I can tell.**

**You never stop until my final breath is gone.**

_**[to fade]**_

_**

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Author's note: Read and Review :D Next chapter hopefully up tonight.**_


	25. Slow Down

As soon as they got back to camp, Roxana marched right to Alexander's tent, Ptolemy and Cassander following her nervously. She entered to a pale looking Alexander and a tired looking Hephaestion. Bagoas was nervously arranging and rearranging things in the corner. Roxana gave him a menacing glare and he left the room swiftly, deciding not to tempt fate today.

**Close the door and take the stairs.**

**Up or down? Ups and downs.**

**Don't pretend you've never been there.**

**You kiss me like an overdramatic actor who's starving for work,**

**with one last shot to make it happen.**

**You've won the role, you've played your part, you've been cordially invited.**

**But I'm not impressed, and I'm definitely not excited.**

**'Cause the film runs a shallow budget, and the writer's subject script isn't any deeper.**

**So dive right in...**

Hephaestion were lying on two beds, one for each man. They swallowed, nervously anticipating the intense verbal whipping that was surely waiting for them.

**Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,**

**hey you, who are you kidding?**

**I'm not like them. I won't buy in.**

**Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,**

**hey you, who are you kidding?**

**Don't quit 'til 47.**

**Then we'll turn it up and we'll play a little faster.**

"How are you two?" Roxana asked coldly. The two men muttered an "Okay", deciding to just let her get over the verbal beat down over with.

"Did you win?" She asked frostily. They nodded a yes.

"Do you both realize how close you came to, oh, I don't know, DYING." She said, all to calmly in fact. This time, all four men nodded their heads. Not because Ptolemy and Cassander were injured; they were just scared.

"And what are we fighting for anyways? We already have a huge empire." She said.

"No." Alexander said. He hadn't come this far just to turn back now.

**Take back everything you ever said.**

**You never meant a word of it. You never did.**

**Take back everything you said.**

**You never meant a word of it. You never did.**

"Alexander, I know you love your men. Do what is best for them" Roxana pleaded.

"What is best for them is to stay and fight." He said through his teeth. Ptolemy and Cassander and Hephaestion all exchanged fearful looks. Neither of them wanted to deal with the monarchs, seeing as how they were fearful of both when they were angry.

**She said 'Alright, Alright, slow down!"**

**Oh no, oh no, we won't.**

**'Cause I regret every thing that I said**

**To ever make her feel like she was something special,**

**Or that she ever really mattered.**

**Or did she ever really matter?**

"Tell that to the ones you killed." Roxana challenged.

"I didn't kill them." Alexander replied.

"Yes you DID! You sent them into an unnecessary battle! They have no interest in being here. I f we don't go home, if you keep sending them into battle after battle you will eventually kill them all. You have killed enough." Roxana pleaded, thinking of the images of the battle floated in her brain when she closed her eyes. Alexander frowned and started yelling.

**Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,**

**hey you, who are you kidding?**

**I'm not like them. I won't buy in.**

**Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,**

**just don't count on this summer.**

**Don't quit 'til 47.**

**Then we'll turn it up and we'll play a little faster.**

"This will bring us glory! Our names will be immortalized forever, glorified through the ages! I have not killed those men, they knew the potential cost." Alexander finished.

"You murdered Bucephalus." Roxana muttered. The room seems to go completely silent. Cassander let out a low whistle.

"Bucephalus is dead?" Alexander choked out the sentence.

"Because you made him fight. You asked for one last fight. You pushed, and pushed just like your mother! These men do not want to be great Alexander! They want to go hoe. If you 'love' them so much, do what is best for them! And if you stay, take back all that crap about loving them and being their friend. Because you don't mean it anymore!" Roxana ranted. Ptolemy went up to put a hand on her shoulder, but Roxana gave him a menacing glare and he retreated to Cassander's side with a 'meep'.

**Take back everything you ever said.**

**You never meant a word of it. You never did.**

**Take back everything you said.**

**You never meant a word of it. You never did.**

Roxana breathed in heavily, then left the tent in a huff. Everyone looked at Cassander with narrowed eyes.

"What did you say to her?" Alexander demanded.

"Why is it that every time Roxana expresses negative feelings with our military endeavors, everyone assumes I am attempting to corrupt her by putting her up to it. Sure I may have the most questionable morals…"

"What morals?" Hephaestion asked innocently. Cassander decided to ignore him and continued.

**I'm not saying that I'm not breaking some hearts tonight, girl.**

**Oh...**

**I'm not saying that I'm not breaking some hearts tonight, girl.**

**Alright, alright, slow down...**

"But do you really think I could stoop that low?" Cassander asked.

"That's right, you would go lower." Hephaestion said.

"Temper, temper. Hephaestion, unless you wish for me to air all of your dirty laundry right here, I encourage you to work harder with your anger management regime. " Cassander replied all to calmly.

**Take back everything you ever said.**

**You never meant a word of it. You never did.**

**Take back everything you said.**

**You never meant a word of it. You never did.**

"Guys, do you think Roxana is right?" Alexander asked, changing th topic to much more pressing matters.

"If you are asking who we fear more, I think we agree with Roxana." Ptolemy said.

"No, I was wondering if she was right. " Alexander said impatiently.

"We all want to go home." Ptolemy said, " I mean, Cassander was about to score with your sister Thessa when you announced the campaign."

**Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,**

**hey you, who are you kidding?**

**I'm not like them. I won't buy in.**

Cassander gave Ptolemy an unappreciative look, Hephaestion smirked and Alexander simply put his head in his hands.

"Why am I always the last to know these things?" Alexander groaned, massaging his temples, which felt like they were throbbing.

"Well, I was going to spare you the misfortune of knowing. Cassander said through gritted teeth.

" Whatever. I think I should call off the campaign. Tell them we're going home." Alexander said, and added, after noticing Ptolemy and Cassander and Hephaestion's really over excited looks, " Don't hug me. I want to drink some wine and then am going to sleep."

**Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,**

**hey you, who are you kidding?**

**I'm not like them. I won't buy in.**

**Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,**

**hey you, who are you kidding?**

**I'm not like them. I won't buy in.**

**

* * *

**

Author's note: Sorry that this chapter is ever so slightly late.. ten more chapters left :) So anyway, surprise number 1 in the ending will be revealed in the next chapter :)

Elpis: Good job on FINALLY getting back in the loop :) Thought you ditched me for awhile :P Yeah, well as it is mentioned he chose to pretend it wasn't there, there was never definite proof. My love triangle is interesting, is it? It is simply a take on the same theme... yes as I have said before when I saw the movie i FELT SO SORRY for her because in general, her opinions were disrespected by everyone and Ptolemy admits that it was kinda sad that no one except Alexander tried to reach out to her...things may have ended differently for Alexander IV, their son. Although she and Perdiccas had an alliance at some point, seeing as they are behind the deaths of Statiera II and Drypetis. I also think the most important reason why it is an intriguing point of view is that everyone loves H/A or A/B and Roxana was portrayed as being a horrible person compared to Bagoas and Hephaestion so it kind of makes sense that not to many people like her point of view. But would we have done anything differently from her? Don't worry ten more chapters and a sequel to come Elpy :P (can I call you that?)

Read and review :)


	26. Iris

The army survived the grueling trip back to Ectbana, where they had decided to stay and rest up before collecting the treasury and heading west to Babylon. Every since his injury, Hephaestion stayed in his quarters most of the time, disengaging himself from the world around, wallowing in his disability. He walked with a limp and it did not help matters that he did not get up and stretch his leg with a walk.

Drypetsis and Statiera lived in the women's quarters and only talked to each other, usually ignoring Roxana, which Roxana did not disagree with. She found them bland and annoying to talk to. Since Ptolemy and Alexander decided to go hunting every day and Cassander wasn't very good company, she was holed up in her quarters, feeling very alone. All the two girls did was complain about Alexander and Hephaestion, while Roxana silently wanted to scream, "They love me. Not you. But me. Whatever they say to you, it is really meant for me."

**And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now**

One day, it just became too much, and Roxana headed to her door. She decided to visit Hephaestion. He had to make some social interaction eventually. Roxana casually walked in as he was reading a letter from Aristotle.

"Roxana, what are you doing here?" He asked as she sat on his bed.

"I am here to sit with you, to see how you are coping with this debilitating injury that keeps you from making any face to face interaction with anybody." She said, happy that he was looking guilty for leaving her with the two harpies he and Alexander had so unwisely married.

**And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life 'Cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight**

"Ha, I almost forgot your charming humor and wit! Yes, I am adapting very well to the life of a cripple." Hephaestion replied, reaching for the wine.

"If you were adjusting you wouldn't be in your room all day with unlimited amounts of wine." She countered, playing with a strand of his auburn hair.

"You were always welcome to visit." Hephaestion said, sipping his wine.

"You say that after I have to practically break down the door! Besides, the doctor says that you should get up and walk around." She said.

"Ah, yes but that defeats the point of being a cripple. And anyways, I really don't want to." He replied.

A**nd I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am**

Roxana lay down on his bed beside him and kissed him on his cheek.

"How can I convince you otherwise?" She asked him.

"You can't, because I won't let you." He said blatantly.

"And why not?" She replied.

"Because I don't want to." He replied.

"What about the pit patter of little feet?"

"We have a midget now? Wow I really have missed a lot." Hephaestion said sarcastically.

"Nope. I am exactly one month pregnant." She said.

**And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies And you bleed just to know you're alive**

Hephaestion started choking and spluttering on his wine, coughing repeatedly.

"Are you okay?" Roxana asked in a worried tone. She didn't think he would take the news that badly.

"I'll be fine, pass me that water please." He asked. Roxana nodded and gave it to him. Unknown to them, the water was contaminated by Typhus, which would be a contributing factor to Hephaestion's death, which would be in a mere week from this part in the story. But they don't know that as they sit and talk about babies and life and how Cassander should go die. They don't know that Hephaestion's time is running out.

Roxana got up to leave, until Hephaestion remembered something from a happier place.

"You never told me your top three." Hephaestion said. Roxana stopped and turned around. She smiled at him.

**And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When every thing's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am**

"Fine, but no talking until I am finished. My number one has got to be your eyes. You already have horrendously awful lying skills and frankly your eyes do not help your cause. They show the real you to many times. They show your reasoning behind the decision, or lie. Also they are beautiful eyes –stop blushing! – Anyway, they are nice eyes and if this baby inside me is yours, I hope they have those eyes for the very same reason they should not. They are your trademarks."

**And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am**

" The next spot goes to your arms. They are protective and strong and not very overbearing. They are just right. I am safe there. I can run and hide in them because no one can hurt me even if they can find me. Which pretty much renders their pursuit pointless."

"My number three is your pair of hands. They tell a story. The calluses between your fingers from holding the reins of Castor and on your palms from holding weapons for war. The various scars on your hands from small injuries in battle or by accident. They're big and warm and protective and I really like them. There. You have my top three. Happy now?" Roxana finished.

"Roxana, do me a favor?" Hephaestion asked.

"What?"

"Don't forget me." He said.

"Are you, despite being crippled, going to attempt to run away or something?" Roxana asked, half joking, half curious. It would be interesting to see how far he could get injured.

**And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When every thing's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am**

"No. I just have this weird feeling that my time is short. That's all." He said queasily. Roxana rolled her eyes.

"Hephaestion, I think you have had to much wine and not enough fresh air and sunlight. You are not gonna die any time soon, nor are you in condition to runaway, nor are you going to die in battle anytime soon." She said, smiling.

"You are probably correct, but don't forget me." He said. She raised her eye brows.

"Hephaestion, you must have endured a few to many blows to the head and I thought your helmets were supposed to protect you. I don't think I could so easily forget taking my husband's male ex-lover as a lover, or how very entertaining it is to hear about how you just cut all of Cassander's ideas down. Or how you could be the father of my potentially illegitimate child." She said patting him on his head like how a nurse would pat a delirious patient on the head.

"You are probably right Roxana."

"Good. Now, I have to leave to plan how I can tell Alexander about the baby. Hopefully he won't start choking on liquids." She said, teasing Hephaestion.

"Ha you are sooo funny," Hephaestion replied " I love you."

"I love you too." She said, kissing him on the cheek.

She then turned and left. Within hours, the fever started.

**I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am**

**

* * *

**

Author's note: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry, I don't enjoy killing Hephaestion, but i mean it was just so tempting to put the muahahaha

So anyway....I decided to ditch to chapters because they make better sense in the sequel and I don't want to give the whole entire sequel away so now only SEVEN CHAPTERS LEFT :D

Elpis: AHA I always thought that Roxana was the toughest of them all lol if they actually had to survive in the wild I could picture them all hiding behind Roxana when ever a twig snapped and she would be like "Honestly your soldiers! GROW A PAIR." But really, she has to be the one to do all the speaking up because what is the worse that Alexander could do to her? If he executed her, her father would start a rebellion in Bactra, maybe his other allies in Persia and he can't really take anything away from her because that would be utterly pointless. And she also has this air of ' I don't take your b.s" about her, even in the movie no one seemed to dare piss her off except Hephaestion. (which are my least favorite scenes BTW). hanks again and I didn't even know how to do that lol but now anonymous reviews are allowed :)

Read and review, members and non members alike :)


	27. For the Widows in Paradise

Hephaestion was sick for days with a horrible fever. After twelve miserable days, he seemed to be on a road to some sort of recovery. However, the doctor had told him that although he would survive, that it was uncertain if there would be lasting effects from his illness. That combined with his bad leg, the doctor said that the best he could guarantee was a life of bed rest. Hephaestion had begun to feel that he should have just let himself sink into the darkness that beckoned him whenever he went to sleep or when the fever had gotten worse.

I have called you children, I have called you son.

What is there to answer if I'm the only one?

Roxana knew he was sick, seeing as how all Alexander had done over the past two weeks was hole himself up in Hephaestion's room and pay to the Gods that he would recover. Roxana had a sick feeling that he had never really recovered from his first injury. She had not been able to visit, sure that she would be yelled at by Alexander for poisoning Hephaestion. He had ignored her at meals as if he had some sort of proof that she had caused the fever that was at the very least crippling Hephaestion. She also knew that Alexander went back to his chambers at night, and planned a trip to Hephaestion's room.

When she had first entered the room, she was shocked at the condition of Hephaestion. She had heard it was bad whenever she goaded one of the hapless generals into giving her information that Alexander refused to give her.

Morning comes in Paradise, morning comes in light.

Still I must obey, still I must invite.

Hephaestion lay under expensive blankets, his skin flushed from the fever that pulsed through his body, which had only barely came down. He looked miserable and in pain, though he was to stoic to cry. She saw that his eyes brighten when he saw her and he made effort to smile and look happy.

"Roxana? Did you finally get Alexander to let you visit?" He asked in a whisper, not wanting to strain him more then was necessary.

"Obviously not. It is the dead of night and I had to sneak by some pretty tired guards to get in here." She replied, going over to lie down beside him.

"Why are you here? You are pregnant! What if whatever is killing me hurts the baby?" Hephaestion croaked, attempting to muster some authority over the nineteen year old beside him.

"Your not contagious Hephaestion. And I love the generals, don't get me wrong, but they were starting to get tired of me always asking about you." Roxana said.

If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do,

If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

"You are insane for coming here, we all know doctors don't practice the most exact science." Hephaestion muttered.

"I heard it was getting worse."

"Obviously, you don't see me walking around, do you?" He said, mustering sarcasm in his tired voice.

"You will get better." Roxana encouraged.

"No, I won't. The doctor said that if I survive, I would most likely be on bed rest for the rest of my life. That is no life for me. I was in the cavalry; I need to be moving one thousand miles a minute to not go crazy. That is assuming I don't die in a month."

He said, somehow stringing his feelings into coherent sentences. Tears formed in Roxana's eyes as she scrambled to deny the truth that everyone knew but did not want to believe.

I was dressed embarrassment.

I was dressed in wine.

"You will get better." She said, trying to make herself believe it. But Hephaestion was no fool, and he knew that she was aware of the truth.

"Yes it wills Roxana." He said in a gentle tone, " I am going to die sometime in the next month, no matter how many times you or Alexander says the opposite. And trust me, a month is not quick enough and the Gods would have killed me all ready if they were in a merciful mood."

"Stop talking like this. I need you, the army needs you and Alexander needs you. He won't talk to me because you are sick, I fear what he would do to me if you died." Roxana said, reaching for a wet cloth to cool his forehead with.

"If you loved me, you would kill me." He said, and in an instant Roxana's world seemed to freeze. He felt her stiffen up beside him.

If you had a part of me, will you take you're time?

Even if I come back, even if I die

"Please Roxana?" He asked meekly. She could only turn and give him a numb stare.

"You want me to kill you?" She asked, hoping she had heard him wrong. When he shook his head 'No' she knew he was serious.

"No! I love you!" She gasped, falling apart in seconds. Her tears flowed freely as she put her head on his chest and sobbed heavily. She allowed herself to fall apart, because he needed to see that she needed him. He patted her head. She soon came to the sick realization that although he loved her and Alexander, he needed the fast paced life of a general. He needed to walk and run and ride on a daily basis and the past few months had been so hard on him. The light in his eyes had shrunk each time she saw him. He looked older, though he was only 32. He was right.

Is there some idea to replace my life?

"Roxana, it is in that jar over there, I had Bagoas bring it to me. He is surprisingly obedient." He said, trying to feel the room with something other then her sobs. She mentally picked herself up and back together and raised her head from hi chest and looked into his cerulean eyes.

Like a father to impress;

Like a mother's mourning dress,

If you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you

"Is this really what you want?" She asked, hoping for the 'No' she would never get. He nodded his head as she reached for the poison and the water. She quietly mixed it in as he looked at her, trying to remember every single detail o that he wouldn't forget her in the afterlife. She handed him his drink.

"Before you drink, can I tell you something?" She asked.

"Sure it is your last time." He said.

"Do you think it is possible that I am pregnant with twins? That maybe one of them is yours and the other is Alexander's?" She asked," That way, you would both have sons and therefore both have a legacy."

I have called you preacher; I have called you son.

If you have a father or if you haven't one,

With that she kissed his forehead, sweaty from his fever. His eyes swelled with tears.

I'll do anything for you

I'll do anything for you

"What is wrong?" She asked.

"I am afraid. Also, the last thing I ever said to Cassander was that he was a somewhat decent person, and frankly that bothers me on many levels." He said. Roxana ignored the last remark about Cassander knowing she would make up for it later.

"What are you afraid of?" She asked.

"Of being forgotten by you and Alex." He said, although he hated Alexander's nickname, and had never really used it.

"I will never forget you Hephaestion. Not in a million years. I love you. That will never change. My love for you will always remain." She said, kissing his cheek.

"I love you, tell Alexander that I loved him." Hephaestion said, before shakily lifting the drink to his lips, and pouring it down his throat that was dry and sore from little moisture and all the talking he had done. Roxana gave him a final hug, and left after murmuring a final "I love you." Knowing that at least she had gotten to say good-bye. She left the room and returned to her bedchamber as dawn cracked over the horizon.

I did everything for you

I did everything for you

I did everything for you


	28. Your ExLover is Dead

Alexander hadn't slept at all the night before. He had wanted to stay in the chamber with Hephaestion but his generals had convinced him that a night of drinking wouldn't do any harm. Alexander rubbed his tired eyes as he sat on a chair next to Hephaestion's bed. Clearly, they were very wrong.

His friend was barely able to croak out a 'Hello' and tried to smile. Alexander cupped his friend's face in his palm, and cried. Now, he was sitting beside his friend and holding the hand he had wanted to hold all along. He felt all his past regrets wash over him. How he had ignored his best friend, the only one who ever took his side in anything. Even Roxana and Ptolemy did not take is side as much as Hephaestion did. Hephaestion was so much nicer and diplomatic then Alexander ever really could be. Alexander found it unfair that he had been blessed with such an easy life to live, while Hephaestion had to fight for his life status. Alexander had been born a prince with a ferocious and over protective mother who had killed for him. He had a beautiful queen; he had seen Asia and conquered most of it, too. He had found their campaigns to be the easiest on him, the king. War had been hard on everyone, but it seemed to be the gentlest on him. Everyone loved him.

**God that was strange to see you again**

**Introduced by a friend of a friend**

**Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'**

**In that instant it started to pour,**

**Captured a taxi despite all the rain**

**We drove in silence across Pont Champlain**

**And all of the time you thought I was sad**

**I was trying to remember your name...**

But Hephaestion was a much better soul then he was; yet Hephaestion was never fully accepted by the generals. He had followed Alexander to hell and back with the rest of the army and was still the 'Whelp'. He was a wonderful commanding officer and had led the cavalry to new heights, but was held with contempt by the generals. He had no pursuit for power and glory yet it found him anyway, and they all hated him for it. He had to constantly prove that he was talented and not just Alexander's best friend. In the end Roxana seemed to be the only friend to stick around for him on their campaigns. Alexander had tried to blame it on his duties, but he and Hephaestion knew what it really was. Their love was gone, and they had gone so long without just being friends that it was awkward for their love to be gone.

**This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin**

**Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in**

**Now you're outside me**

**You see all the beauty**

**Repent all your sin**

And then Roxana came between them. At first Hephaestion was jealous, but now Alexander was. Alexander had always wondered that if things had been different, if he hadn't married Roxana, would she and Hephaestion still have found each other? Would Alexander secretly hate Roxana instead of Hephaestion? Or would he have tried to take Roxana for himself? Alexander did not like to answer these questions, for he was sure the answers would all have been a 'Yes'.

Only now could Alexander see why they had made sense together in a weird way. Roxana had an armor that most could never get behind. Alexander had only seen her come out from behind that armor once or twice. She always was her real self with Hephaestion. She was comfortable with Hephaestion and in return she protected him. Alexander knew half the reason that he had not been killed yet was that his mother and Roxana made it clear that they were not afraid to kill with their bare hands. Hephaestion needed someone to protect him once and awhile. Alexander knew his love for Hephaestion would always remain, and he knew that Hephaestion would always love him. And he knew that Hephaestion was probably the only reason Roxana had not thrown herself off a cliff yet.

Alexander was pulled out his thoughts when he heard Hephaestion trying to speak.

**It's nothing but time and a face that you lose**

**I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose**

**I'll write you a postcard**

**I'll send you the news**

**From a house down the road from real love...**

"Yes Hephaestion?" He asked, worried for his best friend's health even more.

"I'm not sorry." Hephaestion said, "I am not sorry about us or Roxana or anything."

Hephaestion was only able to say those few words. He could feel the dark beckoning for him with sweet promises of happiness and love in the afterlife. Hephaestion was sure that he had never believed in the Gods more then at that moment.

**Live through this, and you won't look back...**

**Live through this, and you won't look back...**

**Live through this, and you won't look back...**

But he wanted Alexander to know how he felt. That he wasn't sorry they had happened and he wasn't sorry about Roxana. She had probably inadvertently saved them from a huge blow up fight. Her interference in their relationship is what probably saved it from total destruction. Besides, he would never regret Hephaestion. Not ever. Not in the next thousand, million, billion or trillion years. There was nothing to say, both men shared the feeling. They had happened, it was great while it had lasted, but would not have lasted through their lives. It would have been impossible for the two men.

Hephaestion breathed in his last breath with only Alexander to hold his hand. Alexander immediately busted into a thousand tiny pieces, his sobs echoing through the palace. Not for their love, but for their friendship. Eventually, someone managed to drag him from the body of his friend. That's when he saw it. A bottle half filled with white powder. It surely could not be as innocent as it pretended to be. He went through names in his head. Who was conniving, self-serving and enough like Olympias to do such a horrible thing?

Roxana. How could he have thought she truly loved Hephaestion? She was a woman! She was a mini Olympias! She could never be trusted. He needed to know why she had betrayed him like this, how she could go behind Hephaestion's back! Why was she so horrible and treacherous? How could he have been so blind?

He should have die with Hephaestion. Part of him said to grab the bottle and consume the rest. But that would mean leaving Roxana unpunished. And he could not let that happen. So he ran to the women's quarters. He had no strength or spirit to run, but he did. He felt nothing for Roxana. His love for her had died with his friend. It had died when she had killed Hephaestion.

He ran into the women's quarters, pushing Statiera aside, looking for his queen. His eyes fastened to her sobbing form as she read letters. He made a mental note to execute whoever had written her. He crossed the room in two strides, the adrenaline roaring through his system. His heart beat was racing and his hands were cold and clammy from sweat. They shook from the nervousness of what he was about to do to someone he had loved. The hands that had been gentle to her were about to bite.

**There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave**

**You were what I wanted**

**I gave what I gave**

**I'm not sorry I met you**

**I'm not sorry it's over**

**I'm not sorry there's nothing to save**

**I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...**

---------

Author's note: Well, know that I have killed Hephaestion, I wonder what will happen to Roxana? (evil smile)

Relax Hephaestion fan girls and followers of my story (cough cough Elpis and Delos and Silver) Roxana survives this story....... :)

Silver: Well it is sad, but he is one of those people that needs to be constantly moving, not living on a lump of feathers and expensive wool and waste away. Yes, she is 19, and Alexander and Hephaestion are around 32. If Alexander took it well, would there be much of a story? I thought I bolded them but apparently I did not save the changes -_- mehh. Aha anyway I might be able to have the next chapter up tonight...sometime...if anyone still cares :P

Read and review :) After all what is a story without an audience as dedicated as you guys have been? -looks at delos and Elpis and Silver- SIX CHAPTERS LEFT :)


	29. Sandpaper and Silk

Roxana looked up at Alexander through her tears. He was breathing hard, and she could tell he was blinded by his grief. And he probably knew it was she, and was about to go into one of his infamous rage black outs. She was scared out of her mind, and she stood up and backed herself up against the wall farthest from him.

**Wait 'til after dark**

**we'll try to make a mark**

**one that stays until we're done**

**And we'll pretend again**

**let's try not to forget where we are**

**and who we're with**

**Who we will find.**

Alexander watched as she stood back from him, looking fearful, just how he pictured Hephaestion as she made him drink the poison. He had no real self-control. Hephaestion used to be his self-control, preventing most acts of blinded stupidity. Roxana thought maybe she could talk him out of what they both knew he could easily do.

"Good morning Alexander." She said nervously.

"Good for you." He said in a tense voice, anger seeping through every word.

"It was a greeting. My morning has been horrible Alexander." She said, as he took a step towards her. She tried to back up farther, but realized there was a stonewall right behind her.

"Why did you do it? I though you LOVED HIM!" Alexander bellowed, closing the distance between them. His rage took control, and he wrapped his hands around

Roxana's neck, and put his face right up to her's.

**Miles can cut this tie we've made**

**the sharp side of the blade**

**As these words play out**

**they'll try and drag you down**

**you feel like one of them**

**Who we will find**

"HOW COULD YOU? HE LOVED YOU! HAVE YOU NO MERCY? CASSANDER WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU, THEY ALL WERE!" Alexander bellowed even louder, as his hands constricted around her throat. She was gasping for air, and although she tried to hit him, he was much stronger then her.

**Miles can cut this tie we've made**

**the sharp side of the blade**

**Make sure that you can keep it**

**make sure you keep it in your heart**

**Miles can cut this tie we've made**

**the sharp side of the blade**

She considered letting him kill her. She wondered if it was her destiny. Then she remembered one small detail that might save her and the one thing she had left to care for.

"Alexander! I am with child!" She said, feeling her throat being released immediately after. She leaned against the wall, crying hard. He stood back, and rubbed his red eyes. He had nearly killed his heir. He resolved to keep her alive until his son was born. There. That seemed fair. And he silently prayed the boy was nothing like her. Still breathing hard, he left the room briskly, trying to deafen his ears to her.

**Make sure you keep it in your heart**

**Make sure you keep it... in your heart**

"I loved him so much." She repeated over and over, now in a fetal position, and rocking back and forth, crying even harder. Alexander then remembered something. He turned back, and picked up the letter she had been reading before she had walked in. He recognized the printing. It was from Hephaestion.

Looks like he did not have to kill the author of the letter after all.

**Miles can cut this tie we've made**

**the sharp side of the blade**

**Miles can cut this tie we've made**

**the sharp side of the blade**

**Make sure that you can keep it**

**make sure you keep it in your heart**

**Miles can cut this tie we've made**

**the sharp side of the blade (in your heart)**

----

Author's note: Five chapters left :) Read and review


	30. Speeding Cars

Roxana clenched her stomach, still standing by the wall breathing in shallow breaths. Right now, stonewall was all that was holding her together. They were simple. Stone built on stone to support a roof. She could not process anything more complex, such as how Alexander had just tried to kill her. How he believed she had willingly killed Hephaestion that she was now keeping their unborn child hostage in her womb. She felt sick to her stomach, afraid that he would come back after figuring out he had no need for a three quarters barbarian heir.

**Here's the day you hoped would never come**

**Don't feed me violence, just run with me**

**Through rows of speeding cars**

**The paper cuts, the cheating lovers**

**The coffee's never strong enough**

**I know you think it's more than just bad luck**

One of Roxana's maids came running into the hall where all the generals sat together, with Bagoas creeping about in a corner. She ran in, looking panicked. Ptolemy got up and dragged Cassander with him, to the maiden.

"Is everything alright with Roxana?" Ptolemy asked, worried for his friend.

"Who cares?" Cassander asked, trying to walk the other way, but Ptolemy grabbed him by his armor and pulled him back to his side.

"How is she?" Ptolemy asked the maiden, who didn't say anything, but just tried to pull them to Roxana's chamber.

"BAGOAS! GET OVER HERE! I THINK THERE IS A MESS TO BE CLEANED UP!" Cassander called to the resentful manservant, who came running over as Cassander was now being pulled into a run by Ptolemy.

**There, there, baby**

**It's just text book stuff**

**It's in the ABC of growing up**

**Now, now, darlin'**

**Oh don't lose your head**

**'Cause none of us were angels**

**And you know I love you, yea**h

Cassander's only thought? There better be an attractive maid in that room if this is just some silly little thing.

They entered the room to see Roxana on the floor, crying, red marks on her neck. Her maid was speaking something in Persian, but no one bothered to listen. Ptolemy knew Alexander would do something irrational and stupid like this. He damned Hephaestion for dying so soon.

**Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never**

**Far enough away**

**Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt**

**I've watched you slowly winding down for years**

**You can't keep on like this**

**Now is as bad of time as any**

Ptolemy leaned down to Roxana and pulled her into a hug.

"Are you okay?" He asked her. She shook her head and cried even harder into his shoulder.

Cassander and Bagoas stood back from her and Ptolemy, unsure of what to do. Cassander for the first time ever, felt sorry for her. Everyone knew she had lost one of her only real friends when Hephaestion died. He also thought she deserved more from Alexander. Sure, she didn't take his crap and often got in the way of things, but she had tried to be good. Besides, Cassander always thought he reserved the right to make her feel awful. He also found it confusing that he wasn't going to the King right now and demanding her death. The whelp was dead, so he could not defend her, and apparently the King agreed that she deserved to be the victim of homicide for once. Which led to his next question. Why was she still alive? After the maid ran out to fetch him and Ptolemy, why did Alexander not kill her? There were no witnesses, and he had the power to cover such an act up. What had saved her?

Ptolemy and Cassander had managed to calm down Roxana enough to get her to sleep. She was asleep, and the two men were standing opposite of each other by opposing walls beside her bed. Ptolemy was rubbing his eyes. The only way they had calmed her down enough to sleep was by saying they would stand guard over her for as long as she needed. Ptolemy was wondering why Cassander wasn't complaining like he usually did, and Ptolemy wanted to know why.

"You are awfully quiet." Ptolemy said, reaching for the wine they had ordered Bagoas to get them hours ago.

"Well, I was trying to think while it was finally quiet. Do you not think it is strange that Alexander spared her? He did not spare Philotas…" Cassander said, but Ptolemy cut him off.

"Philotas was an entirely different manner." Ptolemy said angrily. Cassander rolled his eyes.

"But if it is true that she killed Hephaestion, which we all know to be a load of horse piss, wouldn't it be a much greater crime in the eyes of Alexander? He didn't even WANT to execute Philotas, but he had to because Philotas did not tell him of a plot against him. Philotas did not even scheme anything at all, where as Alexander thinks Roxana not only conspired against a general, but murdered his best friend in cold blood." Cassander said. Ptolemy returned his puzzled look.

"Why would he think that of Roxana? She would have never hurt Hephaestion, of all people." Ptolemy said, as they realized they had more questions then answers.

**There, there, baby**

**It's just text book stuff**

**It's in the ABC of growing up**

**Now, now, darlin'**

**Oh don't kill yourself**

**'Cause none of us were angels**

**And you know I love you, yeah**

Cassander thought for a moment, and then had an idea. It was stupid, but viable.

"Because there is no honor in killing a woman?" He asked. Ptolemy rolled his eyes.

"There is also no honor in killing out of cold blood. No, it has to do with Roxana. Alexander would have killed her, so she must have said something, something that was powerful enough to stop a murderous and vengeful conqueror in his tracks." Ptolemy said, beginning to look around her bedchamber for clues. Cassander raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"It couldn't have been a threat. Usually she is a total bitch at this time of the month, no fail." Cassander said, suddenly realizing what he had just said. Ptolemy looked at him, equally shocked.

"She is.." Ptolemy started.

"No, she can't." Cassander started, but never finished.

"It is plausible. It has been four years, and it makes sense that she would have to get pregnant EVENTUALLY." Ptolemy said. The two men looked at Roxana in shock.

"That is how she made him stop. She told him the truth." Ptolemy said, shocked.

"One could say that she hid behind the heir." Cassander replied.

"Cassander, we both know that she did it to save her baby." Ptolemy said, looking at Cassander like he was the biggest moron on the planet.

**It's okay by me**

**It's okay by me**

**It's okay by me**

**It was a long time ago**

They both looked at Roxana, who was right now, away in dreamland.

Roxana found herself sitting in a field. She was thinking that this was a pretty pointless dream when she saw a figure approaching. She recognized it to be Hephaestion, who sat down beside her. He smiled at her, and he looked perfectly healthy. He walked without a limp, and his hair was washed and combed, and his eyes were happy again.

"Hephaestion!" She smiled, tackling him into a hug. He laughed as he returned her embrace.

"I came as soon as I heard from Zeus!" Hephaestion said, pushing her back. They had both stopped laughing.

"Heard about what?" She asked, having the sinking feeling that he meant this afternoon.

"That Alexander tried to kill you! The NERVE!" Hephaestion said in anger.

"Did you think he wouldn't react at all?" Roxana said, annoyed at his optimistic thought that Alexander would never try and kill her.

"I did not think he would try that!" Hephaestion said, making Roxana somewhat

angry. He knew Alexander the best, he had to know that this would happen.

**It's okay by me**

**It's okay by me**

**It's okay by me**

**It was a long time ago**

"Hephaestion, we all know you were the one he loved above all else. Even after you stopped being together, he loved you more then anyone or anything. He has loved you all along." Roxana tried to say gently, cupping Hephaestion cheek in her hand.

"I thought he loved you enough.." Hephestion started, but Roxana cut him off.

"Whatever love for me he had, died with you, Honestly hon, I think you screwed me over big time." Roxana said, the tears forming. Hephaestion pulled her into a hug, crying too.

"I never thought he would do that." He said, holding her tightly.

"He could do it to me, but somehow he couldn't do it to the baby." Roxana said, putting her hand on her stomach. Hephaestion's eyes lit up.

"I have something to tell you about that." He said, smiling as his tears dried spontaneously.

"What?" She said, rolling her eyes with a smile.

"I say your son, in the future. It was pretty cool.." He started, but she cut him off.

"A son? That is fantastic! Oh .. Wait! He has no brother to be yours…" She said, disappointed. Hephaestion rolled his eyes.

"I was getting to that part. He has a little bit of Alexander and I. He has my eyes I suppose, but he has a character like Alexander's. He also looks like all three of us in some weird, twisted way.. Alexander's bone structure, though he is about my height with my eye color. But his eyes look like Alexander's eyes in nature. He has your olive skin, and black hair in loose curls. He is pretty handsome though… but don't worry, he is smart and athletic too." Hephaestion said, smiling at Roxana who was now beaming.

**There, there, baby**

**It's just text book stuff**

**It's in the ABC of growing up**

**Now, now, darlin'**

**Oh don't lose your head**

**'Cause none of us were angels**

**And you know I love you, yeah**

"To bad I will never meet him while he is alive." Hephaestion said, both of their faces falling as he said that. Roxana looked up at his face, trying to remember what it was like now, not before when he was sick. She hugged him tight.

"I won't ever forget you, or stop loving you." She breathed.

"Nor I for you." He said, slowly fading. She started crying, as she realized she had lost him for the second and final time. At least now she was left with an image of him as forever young. Losing him wasn't fair, but it was necessary as long as her son survived. She looked down at her stomach.

"I love you, little Alexander." She said to her baby with love. He was the only thing that kept her heart beating, and for that, she was grateful.

**There, there, baby**

**It's just text book stuff**

**It's in the ABC of growing up**

**Now, now, darlin'**

**Oh, don't kill yourself**

**'Cause none of us were angels**

**And you know I love you, yeah**

----

Okay, so apparently I cannot count, so there are only three chapters left :) Please take the time to read and review.


	31. Hallelujah

Eight long months passed. To say that Alexander and Roxana were not on speaking terms was to say the least. Roxana stayed out of his way, and he stayed out of hers. Alexander had grown paranoid of his own shadow, as well of everyone else around him. He only trusted few of his generals, least of all Cassander. So when he started banning generals from meetings, guess who was first? Yep, it was Cassander.

So how would Cassander hold up? He decided to hang out with Roxana, which both found disagreeable at first, but grew to tolerate. One afternoon, when Roxana was nine months pregnant, the baby kicked. She was in her room with Ptolemy and Cassander, when the baby kicked, really hard.

**Baby I've been here before**

**I've seen this room and I've walked this floor**

"Oww." She said with a happy smile.

"Roxana, what just happened? And why are you smiling if you have been hurt?" Ptolemy asked, as the two generals drew their swords.

"The baby kicked. I guess he cannot wait to get out of my womb." She said, " Come here, put your hand on my stomach and wait for a moment. And put those bloody overgrown butcher knives away, they are not toys you know."

Ptolemy and Cassander both put their swords back in their sheaths. Ptolemy walked over to Roxana, and put his hand on her stomach. Cassander sneered at both of them.

**I used to live alone before I knew you**

**I've seen your flag on the marble arch**

"It is just an old wives tale that babies kick their mothers while they are in the womb." He said. Precisely at this moment, Ptolemy felt a bump.

"By Zeus! Wow, you're not lying, there really is a baby in there! Cassander, come feel it!" Ptolemy said. Roxana rolled her eyes, wondering exactly what Aristotle taught had them when they were boys. Cassander suspiciously put his hand on her stomach, ready to prove that Alexander was not the only crazy one in the palace. Then he felt a little bump. The shock nearly gave him a heart attack.

"GAH! What was that?" He asked, taking a step away from Roxana's swollen stomach.

"That was a baby." Ptolemy said really slowly, in the fashion of most Kindergarten teachers.

"Shut up, I know what a baby is. Clearly Roxana has bewitched it or something." Cassander said.

"Or maybe we should not take Aristotle's word for everything. He though the Persians to be a barbaric culture, but look at Roxana! She never tried to eat us." Ptolemy said enthusiastically. Roxana gave him an unappreciative look.

"Well he wouldn't know anything about either of those topics because he has never been to Persia and has obviously never been pregnant." She said.

"So I just got kicked by the heir?" Cassander asked in a small voice.

"Looks like my child has amazing aim and good judgment." She said sarcastically, "Actually, I was just kicked by the heir and you felt it. It means he is ready to come out soon and personally, I cannot wait for him to get out."

"Why? Is it not comfortable to be pregnant?" Ptolemy asked innocently.

"Yeah sure, if you think throwing up every day for two months, having to piss more often and having someone kick you from the inside the ideal of comfort and pleasure, I am very comfortable." Roxana said, struggling to stand up.

"Do you still love the baby?" Cassander asked, wondering how anyone could love something that was obviously a tyrant.

"Of course I love him." Roxana said, smiling at her belly," He is going to be a fantastic little boy."

**but love is not some victory march**

**It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah**

Cassander and Ptolemy exchanged looks, just as a page ran in.

"The King is in bad shape! He is dying!" The boy said in panic. Roxana gave the two generals an evil look.

"Why did I not know that the King was sick?" She hissed, before waddling out of the room as fast as she could. Cassander and Ptolemy followed her, insisting she stay calm for the baby. They had known he was sick, and had not told Roxana for her own good. They had seen him once, and he looked worse then Hephaestion had.

**Hallelujah, hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, hallelujah**

"Roxana, are you sure that you want to se this?" Ptolemy asked as she stood in front the chamber door. She nodded her head in defiance, and pushed the heavy door open with the help of Cassander and Ptolemy. She walked in, and was in shock at the state of her husband.

He was obviously hallucinating as he reached up with his ring, as if trying to place it on the finger of a God. She recognized the ring immediately. It was the ring Hephaestion had given him.

**There was a time when you let me know**

**What's really going on below**

Roxana felt the grief pouring in her chest and the tears running down her cheeks. She wondered if he remembered who she was, and what she had meant to him. He was breathing sharp ragged breaths, still reaching up to the sky with the ring. Then, he stopped. His arm fell, and so did the ring. She rushed over to him. The generals allowed her to, none of them having the heart to tear her away so soon after he died.

She held his hand one last time, and cried even harder then she had when Hephaestion died. Because she had that one last chance to say it all and say good-bye. Alexander had denied her that last wish. Her other hand brushed the floor, and found the cold metal of the ring. She picked it up in her hand, and vowed that her son would have this ring, and that one day she would tell him the whole story behind it.

**But now you never show that it to me, do you?**

**Remember when I moved in you**

As she cried, Ptolemy took Alexander's other ring from the dead man's fingers. It had been his father's before that, and Philip's father before that and so on. It had been his seal ring. Ptolemy knew none of the generals had use for it. It belonged to the son of Alexander. Ptolemy gave the ring to a sobbing Roxana, bowing his head as he did so. Then he stood back with the other generals. Peridiccas said he would go execute Statiera and Drypetsis, and then he would summon Barsine and Heracles to the castle. It felt good to the generals, to now have a plan and a goal. Their goal was to maintain the empire until Roxana's son could ascend the throne. They hoped it was a boy, for a boy could rule. A girl could be married off. But a boy could be another Alexander. They didn't know which they feared more.

Roxana felt as if her world had shattered around her. She would pick p the pieces one ay, but right now she needed to lie in the ruins of her short marriage to one of the greatest military minds in history. There should never be another Alexander like her husband. It would not be right. She cried for her husband even harder, until a sharp burst of pain rippled through her lower back, and she started bleeding, as if she had her cycle. She gasped as the pain burst through her again, this time stronger. She had been cramping all day yesterday, but she had never thought it would end like this. Is this what dying feels like? She asked herself. Then she remembered the blood and where it had come from.

**The Holy dove was moving too**

**And every breath we drew was hallelujah**

"Ptolemy, get my midwife!" She yelled. Ptolemy and all the other generals looked at her, confused and worried.

"What is a midwife?" He asked.

"I AM HAVING THE BABY!" She screamed, hoping to make it easier for them to understand what was going on.

Immediately the generals were swearing, and they sent a page for the midwife and Roxana's maids. They then had Cassander and Peridiccas haul Alexander's body to another room, and Ptolemy got Roxana on the bed.

They all had one thought in common.

"This baby has one hell of a sense of timing."

**Hallelujah, hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, hallelujah**

------

Author's note: TWO CHAPTER'S LEFT :D Wow so it is nearly the end of my first ATG story! As alway, read and review :)

Elpis: Well Alexander is quick to judge, I have got to say. It is quite easy to imagine that he would try and hurt Roxana. And the baby really is their only hope. Yes, it is a same that she now must learn how to fight the way the men fight, although Ptolemy is willing to help her :) Yes, I decided in the end she would kill Hephaestion, but not for the reasons usually posted. And love simply always remains. That is the only way I can explain it. :) Thanks for the review and you will definately read the final two chapters :) Aha so close to the sequel :D Oh, do you kinda like Roxana know? :)

Silver: No hard feeling, I went like ten chapters without a review in this story. I think it was cute to :) AHA Well at least he is kinda like Hephaestion lol he will have more self control then Alexander or Roxana had. Yes, I am making it loosely on a disorder where one person has two sets of DNA (although it would not happen the way I say it and I really don't know much about it, LOL oh well.) Awh, but Alexander is just so misguided when it comes to his rage black outs.. Aha this is a pretty quick update :)

Read and Review :)


	32. Three Wishes

Roxana could only think of the pain that shot through her body. The midwife said it was her body trying to push the baby out, but she thought it was punishment from the Gods. She cried out as the agony seized her body again. It had started doing this ever two seconds. She was aware of everything around her. She knew the generals were pacing about, worried for her. It had been twelve hours since her water broke, and they had been painful. She wanted to die the pain was so bad. Yet, numbness was not coming to her easily.

She was tired from all the pushing, and did not feel like she could push any harder. She was exhausted and wanted to sleep. She hoped this was all some horrible nightmare that she could wake up from. Maybe she was really asleep in Hephaestion's arms, and he was trying to wake her up right now. Yes, that is it.

**We'd be so less fragile**

**If we're made from metal**

**And our hearts from iron**

**And our minds from steel**

**And if we built an army**

**Full of tender bodies**

**Could we love each other**

**Would we strive to feel**

Her maid came over to the generals, looking weary. They looked at the maid worriedly, having so many questions to ask her.

"She isn't pushing hard enough." The maid said.

"So why are you here?" Cassander asked impatiently," She needs encouragement."

"We have been trying for an hour. Maybe you could… help?" The maid asked. The generals all looked at Crateros, who had four children and had been there for all of his children's births. He swallowed.

"I do not know her well enough." He mumbled, looking down. Ptolemy sighed.

"I will go." He said. The generals all gave him a sympathetic look.

Ptolemy came over to her bedside, and tried to think of what to say.

**And you want three wishes:**

**One to fly the heavens**

**One to swim like fishes**

**And then one you're saving for a rainy day**

**If your lover ever takes her love away**

"Hey, if you push just a little harder you will get that baby out." He said, trying to joke about it.

"Ptolemy, if you do not back away in exactly ten seconds, I will RIP YOUR FACE OFF AND FEED IT TO A PACK OF CANNIBALS!" She said, screaming out the last bit as another contraction ripped through her body. Ptolemy stuttered, and ran the whole six feet back to the generals, looking terrified.

"She was so MEAN!" He said, looking back at her with fear.

"Then she is definitely in labor." Crateros said. All the men looked at their feet.

"Then who else should go?" Ptolemy asked.

"She threatened you with physical harm, and you're practically her best friend. What do you think she is going to do to the rest of us?" Crateros said, "We need someone manipulative and mean enough. Someone without our morals."

Everyone looked at Cassander, and pushed him to her bedside. Luckily, he already knew exactly what he was going to say. He took her hand in his, and leaned down so that his lips were level with her ear.

**You say you want to know her like a lover**

**And undo her damage, she'll be new again**

**Soon you'll find that if you try to save her**

**It renews her anger**

**You will never win**

"Roxana, listen to me. This is not some horrible nightmare that you will wake from. Hephaestion and Alexander are both dead. You are delivering, preferably Alexander's, child. Just push a little harder, and the baby will be out. I promise you that as soon as that little boy is born, you will die and go to Hades and live with Alexander and Hephaestion." Cassander whispered to her.

She heard his words, and liked what he said. She nodded, showing that she understood what he asked of her. She started pushing even harder, anxious to see Hephaestion and Alexander again, and explain everything to them.

Cassander walked back to the generals, whom were all staring at him in wonder.

"How did you do that?" Ptolemy asked in shock.

"Why did she not threaten you? She hates you!" Peridiccas said in equal shock.

"At least she is pushing now." Crateros lamented. Then they heard a cry. The cry of a baby.

Ptolemy hugged Cassander excitedly, and pushed Cassander forward to get the baby. The nurse handed him the child, after cutting the cord and wrapping him in a soft blanket.

"It is a son." She said quietly, and Cassander grinned for the first time, in a long time. The little boy let out another cry, but soon quieted down as Cassander looked at him in wonder. He took the baby back to the generals.

"He has hair! Little black hair!" Leonnatus said in wonder, touching the boy's forehead gently.

"Aye, he looks like a fine son." Crateros said, grinning. Ptolemy looked over Cassander's shoulder.

"Does he look like Alexander's son?" Ptolemy asked Crateros, who had been present for Alexander's birth years ago.

"Definitely." The old general said with a smile. Cassander opened the blanket to count the fingers and toes of the small infant. Ten fingers and toes, all small and perfect.

"Can I hold him now?" Ptolemy fake whined.

"No, you will break him." Cassander said with a glare. Roxana heard this last little bit.

"You better not break my baby." Roxana said in a menacing tone. The generals laughed nervously.

"Don't worry! Cassander was just teasing!" Crateros said. Roxana looked relieved. Cassander reluctantly handed the baby over to Ptolemy, who looked at it in wonder.

**And you want three wishes:**

**You want never bitter**

**And all delicious**

**And then one you're saving for a rainy day**

**If your lover ever takes her love away**

"How can he be that small? Roxana's stomach was huge!" Ptolemy said, as the baby fell asleep.

"Babies are rather curious creatures." Crateros said, "Now, go take him to his mother. He is probably very hungry."

Ptolemy walked over to Roxana, smiling. She smiled weakly back, realizing Cassander had lied to her. But she had no time to be mad, for she was finally going to hold the son Hephaestion had told her about.

"Ten fingers and ten toes. Absolutely perfect." Ptolemy whispered to her with a smile as he handed her the baby. He lay on her chest as if he belonged there. She smiled at him.

"What do I name him?" She asked, stroking his forehead with her thumb as the baby slept.

"I don't know. Ptolemy, in honor of the best general in the world? He joked, and she smiled.

"How about Alexander?" Crateros suggested.

"But there have already been three of those!" Peridicass protested.

"Alexander Aegus, that is what I will call you." Roxana said, smiling at her baby.

"Correction, Alexander IV Aegus." Ptolemy corrected her.

"We shall call him Aegus for short." Cassander said hopefully. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"So, who is going to send Olympias the news?" Crateros said. Everyone looked at him.

"Fine, I will you cowards." He said, cracking a smile, "Well, I guess we shall throw a feast, seeing as how this is the last time we will all be together in a long time."

"What?" Roxana asked. The generals looked at her sadly, and Ptolemy decided to tell her.

"We have split the empire into four parts. Four of us are regents, one for each part. Cassander is the regent of Macedonia and Greece. I am the regent of Egypt.." He said, but she cut him off.

"Egypt? You are going to live in Egypt?" She asked. Ptolemy gave her a sad smile.

"Well, it is closer to Pella then you would think. I will visit, I promise." He said. She nodded her head weakly.

This was too much to think of at an early age. Her last thought before she fell asleep was "Who cares if I am nineteen and have a baby son to care for on my own? As long as he survives, I am happy."

**You want three wishes:**

**One to fly the heavens**

**One to swim like fishes**

**You want never bitter**

**And all delicious**

**And a clean conscience**

**And all it's blisses**

**You want one true lover with a thousand kisses**

**You want soft and gentle and never vicious**

**And then one you're saving for a rainy day**

**If your lover ever takes her love away**

-----

Second final chapter :) Read and Review :)


	33. Secret

**Got a secret**

**Can you keep it?**

**Swear this one you'll save**

**Better lock it, in your pocket**

**Taking this one to the grave**

**If I show you then I know you**

**Won't tell what I said**

**Cause two can keep a secret**

**If one of them is dead…**

Cassander: You are nothing without me.

Roxana: Really? You are nothing without my sons.

-------

Aegus: I am just Aegus, not Alexander. I always will be just Aegus.

Cassander: Oh, if only you knew of all the times Alexander tried to be just Alexander.

**Why do you smile**

**Like you have told a secret**

**Now you're telling lies**

**Cause you're the one to keep it**

**But no one keeps a secret**

**No one keeps a secret**

**Why when we do our darkest deeds**

**Do we tell?**

**They burn in our brains**

**Become a living hell**

**Cause everyone tells**

**Everyone tells…**

Cassander: I never found you pretty.

Roxana: I never found you handsome either.

------

Ptolemy : You killed her Cassander. I CANNOT ACCEPT THAT AND MOVE ON.

Cassander: She got annoying.

Ptolemy: She probably figured you out.

**Got a secret**

**Can you keep it?**

**Swear this one you'll save**

**Better lock it, in your pocket**

**Taking this one to the grave**

**If I show you then I know you**

**Won't tell what I said**

**Cause two can keep a secret**

**If one of them is dead…**

Lena: Aegus, what is your problem? Can't you just leave me alone?

Aegus: I don't have a problem, actually. And besides, if I left you alone, your life would be far to easy and stress free for my liking.

------

Heracles: Sometimes, I wonder why I am your older brother.

Aegus: Why?

Heracles: Because every time I turn around, you are waving to some girl.

Aegus: Well, one of us needs to be the heart breaker of the family.

**Look into my eyes**

**Now you're getting sleepy**

**Are you hypnotized**

**By secrets that you're keeping?**

**I know what you're keeping**

**I know what you're keeping**

Cassander: Roxana, what is the meaning of this?

Roxana: What is the meaning of what?

Cassander: You spent twenty-five talents on a dress! How can you justify that?

Roxana: How can you justify being born?

Cassander:-makes undecipherable sounds.-

Roxana: I thought so.

**Got a secret**

**Can you keep it?**

**Swear this one you'll save**

**Better lock it, in your pocket**

**Taking this one to the grave**

**If I show you then I know you**

**Won't tell what I said**

**Cause two can keep a secret**

**If one of them is dead…**

Cassander: Please, we all know my chivalry and charm were dead and buried long ago.

Ptolemy: Along with your morals.

Roxana: Please, he never had any to begin with.

**[spoken]**

**Alison?**

**Yes, Katherine.**

**I have something I want to tell you, but**

**you have to promise to never tell anyone.**

**I promise**

**Do you swear on your life?**

**I swear on my life**

Elsie: Lena, I cannot believe you are seeing Aegus. You two hate each other!

Lena: No, not really.

Elsie: What happened to 'How dare he say that to me?' of last night.

Lena: He changed my mind.

Elsie: With promises of Queen-hood?

Lena: Actually, no. He was honest.

-----

Elsie: I love you.

Heracles: I love you more.

-Cassaner walks in-

Cassander: Why does EVERYONE have to be in a serious relationship these days?

**You swore you'd never tell…**

**You swore you'd never tell…**

**You swore you'd never tell…**

**You swore you'd never tell…**

Heracles: DAMN YOU CASSANDER.

Cassander: Now, did your mother not teach you better manners?

Aegus: Don't you dare talk about our mother like that!

Cassander: How many times do I have to tell you? Your mother is Roxana. His is Barsine. And apparently dear Aegus, your mother was not the whore, Heracles's was.

------

Antipater: Honestly, you can have any girl and you want Lena, the girl you have teased since you could talk?

Aegus: Why does that not make sense?

Ptolemy Jr: Well, it would, if it were not for the small fact that she HATES you.

**Got a secret**

**Can you keep it?**

**Swear this one you'll save**

**Better lock it, in your pocket**

**Taking this one to the grave**

**If I show you then I know you**

**Won't tell what I said**

**Cause two can keep a secret**

**If one of them is dead…**

Cassander: Roxana, I do not love you, and I hopefully never will.

Roxana: What makes you think that I care for you?

Cassander: The fact that you are still here.

**Yes two can keep a secret**

**If one of us is…. Dead.**

------

Author's note: Okay, this was just a sneak peak of the sequel _Secret _just for your amusement :)

SO read and review the ending, the promo chapter, critique etcetera and my next story sall be posted by friday (I suggest reviewing alot. Yes, I accept bribes if they are reviews ;) )

kbf28


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